SSA Emily Prentiss
by TaliDaniellaDavid
Summary: Ian Doyle kidnaps Emily, who subsequently develops Stockholm Syndrome. What consequences will come from her being held by Ian for more than a year? Can Hotch and the team save her, and will she want to be saved? Eventual H/P
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first criminal minds story, as I am a relatively new viewer. I have seen countless episodes on ION though. After last nights episode, I couldn't help myself. This will be dark, and angsty for a while. I don't think there will be any pairings at the moment, but as the story progresses I might add a bit of Emily/Hotch if you guys want me to.

Emily POV

"You wanna know his last words to me"?

I knew my only chance was to tell him that Declan was alive, to make him believe it. Ian had no qualms about hurting me, torturing me, killing me, but I knew where his son was. Sure, he could find out other ways, but he would no doubt think this was easier. Pain coursed through my veins as he hurt me again. My whole body ached from everything I had been through lately. I was so tired, just so tired. I gasped, and then continued.  
"He said, 'I looked pretty good for a dead kid'"  
Ian softened a bit at this, but that only worried me more. When he whispered "He's alive?" I nodded slowly, and was shocked as Ian picked me up in his arms, and ran toward the exit. His heavy footfalls jarred him with every step, and I fought to stay conscious in his arms. He was muttering to himself, and didn't seem quite sane. To my experienced self, he seemed to slipping into a delusion.

Soon I became "Lauren" instead of "Emily" and the way he held me became more tender than harsh. I whimpered from the pain and that seemed to refocus him on me. I was only a bit surprised when he stopped for a second, cradled my head and kissed my forehead. Then, he smiled.  
"We are going to find Declan, and then we can be a family. Like we used to be".  
I knew then that he was delusional, and I quickly profiled him. It was hard for me to focus, but it wasn't as is his actions were difficult to figure out. If I went along with his delusion, I would be quite safe, he wouldn't hurt me physically, but like many unsubs before him, if I refused to play along he would become extremely violent. I knew he would find Declan even if I didn't reveal his location, and with me around the poor boy probably had a better chance.  
My decision was made, I would become Lauren Reynolds once again. The loving faithful girlfriend to Ian Doyle, a terrorist.  
"Declan is living in a town called Melta, in Montana"


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry for the short first chapter, I just needed to get it out there and see if anyone would like it. This chapter will be much longer. This story is going to be dark and there will be some, consensual sexual abuse, if that makes any sense. Basically, Emily has to go along with everything Doyle want, and doesn't enjoy or welcome it. Let me know if this should be rated M instead, I wasn't sure.

Emily POV

Ian's contacts managed to get us on a private plane to Montana, and after that we got a rental car and drove to the small town of Melta. He either held my hand, or wrapped his arm around me the whole time. He would whisper into my ear, tell me that he loved me. He loves me, but I don't love him. I never did. I couldn't love him. I shouldn't have. I did. But not anymore. Not anymore. No.

He was possessive, like I would be taken away from him at any moment. I could understand why he felt that way, but I was **not** his to have in the first place. I was my own person, I always had been. Even when I was undercover, I wasn't really his. Maybe a little, maybe mostly his, but never completely. There was always a rational "Emily" part of me that didn't love him. Didn't belong to him. Lauren loved him, was his. Maybe the rest of me did too. Maybe not. But never that one, small, rational part.  
"Soon, my love, we will be a family. Maybe we can even have a child, like we talked about. Your only qualm was our line of work, which is quite different now, isn't it"?

To any bystander we looked like a happy couple, visiting friends or family. We smiled, laughed, held hands as we walked to the car rental. He held my hand, and called me "love" when he asked what kind of car we would get. I smiled, and giggled.

"I don't care, chose whatever you want honey". Deep inside I cringed, but my perfectly schooled features revealed nothing. I knew that my part had to be played to perfection, if but one person was suspicious Doyle might very well snap. If that happed it would be more than just my life on the line. He would likely go on a spree.

The physical contact made me feel sick at first, but soon I grew used to the feeling. I reverted back to the Lauren part of myself. Lauren liked it. Lauren loved him. I'm not Lauren. I'm not. No.

I had played this role once, I could do it again. I knew chances were that I would be doing much worse pretty soon, so I tried to grow as numb as possible. Lauren helped me, helped Emily. Compartmentalizing was a skill I had possessed for many years, thanks to my upbringing in the political world, but it seemed like such a struggle now.

When we arrived in Melta, we drove for a bit and then we waited outside the small house where Declan lived. As we waited outside for Declan, Ian latched onto my waist and turned me towards him. I gave him a smile, but on the inside I was grimacing.

He tilted my head up, and lowered his lips to meet mine. They were dry and cracked, moving with almost bruising force as they forced me to reciprocate. The rough stubble on his cheeks scratched my porcelain skin, and I felt the urge to throw up. He tasted like stale alcohol, and airplane pretzels. I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as they could go, and tried not to tense up as his tongue tangled with mine. I tried to imagine he was someone else. Anyone else. That didn't work, so I became Lauren. Lauren liked it. Lauren leaned in to him, put her arms on the back of his neck. Lauren wanted more. But I'm not Lauren. I'm not. No.

He then pulled back, seemingly satisfied for now, and I became Emily again. The feeling of sickness came back, then slowly left, but never went completely. I tried to compartmentalize, which is what kept me sane last time, to no avail.

Soon the boy was brought out to us. He was about 12 now, the white blond curls that had previously adorned his head were darker now, they almost looked more brown than blond. Otherwise he looked much the same, albeit much older, but had a look of terror on his face. I assumed that they had "taken care" of Louise, as she never made it out of the house. There was nothing that I could do to help her, but I felt bad anyways. She had always been kind to me, I let my guard down a bit around her a few times.

Declan seemed to recognize us, and subsequently donned a look of confusion. I ran up to him, embraced him, and whispered into his ear.  
"Remember me? Your dad is a little confused right now, he thinks we are a family. We have to play along though, it will be like a game. Can you do that for me, Declan? It will be just like playing house as a kid. Okay?"  
Declan nodded, and forced a smile. I realized Louise must have told him something, he must know about his dad. I knew he was old enough, that he could understand more. Later, I would tell him more. He was 12. I still thought of him as the little boy I played hide and seek with. The only I chased around the villa, laughing happily. I loved Declan. That was something Lauren and Emily agreed on. He seemed to trust me, so I grabbed his hand and led him back to Ian, who engulfed him in a hug.  
"Declan, you remember Lauren. She is going to be your new mother. Isn't that great? We are going away to live as a family. You will like it there, I promise".  
I could see Declan's expression as his dad hugged him, it was scared and slightly resigned. He was much to mature for his age. No child should have to go through this. I needed to keep him safe. Both Lauren and Emily wanted to keep him safe.

AN: That turned out a bit differently than I thought it would. I didn't try to make it seem like she has two personalities, she doesn't. Pretending to be Lauren is just a coping mechanism. Review please! 


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I honestly don't know where I am going with this, but I like it. I like it a lot. Next chapters gonna be intense. Any suggestions for things? Also, I think in a few chapters I will skip a few months to a year, and talk about what had happened in general over that time. Maybe a few specific events. In order for this to have an ending I want for it I need her to get to a certain point, which is only believable after quite some time. Does that sound alright?

Emily POV

The next plane ride was longer, but much more pleasant. From the little TV screens in the armrests of the seats I could see that we were heading east, towards Europe. My best guess was that we were heading to Ireland.

Ian would want to go back to his comfort zone, where he would like his delusion to take place. I didn't know what would happen in the future, if he would ever snap, or even just grow tired of playing happy family. I didn't want to consider what might happen then to me, or Declan.  
I was happy to fade into the background as Ian focused on Declan. He hadn't seen his son in 7 years, but didn't seem to realize that. He asked him about school, sports, and girls like no time had passed. Declan did just what I had asked of him, played his role perfectly. He did seem genuinely happy to see his Dad, and I didn't know how to feel about that.  
Lauren clung to Ian, holding on to him, loving the way him and his son interacted. She would nuzzle her face into his neck, sleep with her head on his shoulder when she got tired. Not me. I wanted to shrink away, to escape. Go to the restroom and stay there awhile. Claim motion sickness. Take Declan far away, protect him from loving Ian. The man Lauren loved. The man I didn't love. Because I am not Lauren. No.  
I sat next to Ian, and he held my hand, kept me close. It didn't bother me much anymore, Lauren was easier and easier to find. Not just to find, to become. I could slip away, become Lauren, and forget. Forget that the man holding her was a killer. Forget everything but the love Ian had for her. The love she had for him. I tried to be me, to be Emily. Emily could figure out how to get out of here. Lauren didn't want to leave. But I am not Lauren. No.  
A few hours later we disembarked the plane. It looked to be early morning, just after sunset. We were in a big field in the middle of nowhere, and walked up to 2 men standing by 2 vehicles. One was a dark SUV type and the other a small red car. The men driving got out, and greeted Ian like old friends.

My best hope was that this was his hometown, for the team might have a chance of tracking me here.

Lauren, on the other hand, allowed Ian to wrap an arm around her shoulder and introduced herself. When the men said that they had a "beautiful family" Lauren was proud, and clung to Ian tighter while ruffling Declan's hair. I wanted to shout! No! We are not a family, we are not happy. But honestly, I didn't know if I believed that myself anymore. When I became Lauren, I was happy. Lauren was blessed out, because Lauren was in love. I really liked being Lauren, but I was not Lauren. I'm not Lauren.  
We got into the dark SUV, Ian driving with me in the passenger seat and Declan in the back. I met his eyes in the mirror, and he gave me a soft smile. Emily smiled back. Lauren smiled back. I smiled back.  
We arrived at a large...manor type house. There was a black wrought iron fence surrounding the house, but it was not ominous. The wrought iron curved and warped into beautiful patters, hiding what it really was. A cage. That's what I thought of it. Lauren merely admired the beauty of it. She had no desire to leave. She loved him.  
The gates opened and we pulled through. There was a large green yard with colossal trees framing a dirt drive, which led to the garage. We parked outside, and got out of the car. Lauren turned to Ian, and smiled.

"It's beautiful. I...don't know what to say".

"Not as beautiful as you, love".

I looked up at him through my dark lashes as he pulled my face up towards his. This time, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Not once did Emily slip through and, well, ruin the moment. I allowed myself to be Lauren, it just became easier and easier.

This time, the feeling of his lips, his tongue, on mine excited me. I loved his taste, the way his stubble brushed my face. It had always been like that, always. Kissing Ian was unmistakable, and Lauren, well, Lauren loved Ian. He slipped his fingers slightly under the back of my shirt, rubbing the soft skin there, before pulling away slowly. He smiled, Lauren smiled. I did not smile.

I pulled Declan towards me and embraced him, as a safety. When Declan was the focus, I didn't have to be Lauren, because I loved Declan too.  
"Welcome home, love".

FBI Headquarters, Quantico, Virginia.

Hotch POV

The team was a mess, as was I. My normally stoic appearance was shattered, and for once, I allowed them to see my vulnerability. Garcia constantly asked me, is Emily alive? Will we get her back? Where did he take her? Why? Couldn't she see, that I didn't know? For once, I had not idea. No idea. We had a profile for him 8 years ago, thanks to Emily, and a profile of him now. We knew what Emily was like. Who she was. Or at least we thought she did. According to the profile, he should have killed her. Right away, no feeling. He didn't want her, he wanted Lauren. Emily is not Lauren. Our profile of him is undoubtedly correct. Which means, we are wrong about her. We don't really know her. I thought we did. I thought... I did.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Kind of creepy chapter, actually very creepy. I'm thinking that the time skip will be next chapter. I'm not completely sure though. Enjoy, and please review! Even if it is just a couple of words, it makes my day. Also, let me know if this needs to be moved to a M rating, I am trying to keep it T, but I am not exactly sure of where the line lies.

Emily POV  
Our day was spent exploring the house, and getting to know Declan. The house was gorgeous, full of antique wood furniture. He gave us the tour, saving the bedrooms for last. I was in awe as we walked through the kitchens, dining, and family rooms.

The house was on a river, and there was a huge swimming pool out back, along with a hot tub. When we went upstairs he skipped most of the rooms, saying they were empty. He then came to a wooden door that had the name "Declan" burned in the door. Branded. Like me.

The room was decorated with dark blues and greens, and contained everything a 12 year old boy could ever want. Declan opted to stay in his room, and check out his video games, so Ian and I continued alone.

The master bedroom was a beige color, and the bed was a dark walnut with a brown duvet. I got nervous and clammy just looking at the room, for I knew what would no doubt be in store for me there tonight.  
"Just wait until Declan goes to bed, love. Then we will have our fun".  
This made Lauren excited. Lauren loved Ian. Lauren couldn't wait to sleep with him, to hold him close, to be joined with him in the most intimate of ways. But I am not Lauren. No. I was not excited, I was dreading it. I knew though, that I would just let Lauren take over once again, and she would enjoy it. I would enjoy it. Like I always had. All those years after the assignment, that was what I regretted the most. I had enjoyed it. I will enjoy it. There is nothing I can do to change that.  
Ian and I wandered the grounds hand in hand, admiring the beautiful surroundings. If I was going to live here, I might as well enjoy the little things.  
The way the sound of the river rushing filled the air, the smell of freshly cut grass, the slight chill of the wind against my skin. All of those things made both Emily and Lauren happy in that moment. For once, I was not divided. I was whole.  
Dinner was enjoyable, we ate outside on the porch, with all the nature surrounding us. The chef prepared a wonderful meal, and we had wine. I drank quite heavily, but not enough to arouse suspicion. I would need all the courage I could get. Declan was enjoying himself, I knew that for now I didn't have to worry about him. I worried for myself. For Emily. Lauren was happy though.  
After we said goodnight to Declan, Ian took my hand and led me up to the bed room. He smiled at me before pulling me into a kiss. I felt sick, and dirty and used. So dirty. So, I turned to Lauren. I began to notice a pattern, just when Emily would get strong, I would stop, and go back to Lauren. I was losing Emily, losing part of myself. Frankly, it scared me.

Lauren. Lauren responded to him, put her arms around his neck. She played with the hair there, and nibbled on his lower lip. Ian pushed Lauren down on the bed. Took off her clothes, piece by piece. She writhed under his touch, aching for more. She loved him, loved his touch. Her hands explored him, and soon shed him of his clothing completely.  
Emily only resurfaced once, when Ian traced the clover on her breast, with his finger, his lips, his tongue. The skin there was still oh so sensitive. It was only a few days ago that he put it there. Emily nearly started crying, not from pain. From fear. The look in his eyes scared me, scared Emily. It was so primal, so possessive. He like seeing his mark, his signature, on her skin. It would stay there forever.  
"Mine".

Then, Emily was gone once again, replaced by Lauren, who arched into him. Lauren liked the clover, the way it made her feel. The physical evidence of his claim on her. When he entered her, moved within her, Lauren felt only pleasure. The sensations peaked, and still Emily was nowhere to be found.

I am Emily, but I am also Lauren. I have given up trying to hide that part of me. She is a part of me. But who is stronger, Lauren or Emily? Or more accurately, is my love for Ian stronger than my fear of him? Lauren and Emily are they same person, me. The only difference lies in my feelings for Ian. My very complicated, conflicting feelings for Ian. When I am Lauren, I cannot be Emily. But When I am Emily, I cannot be Lauren. Eventually, I must choose, and let a part of me go.

Emily was gone, for now. Deep down in Lauren's mind, Emily struggled to break free. But, it was Lauren's mind today, with Emily as a guest. Today, love defeated fear. 


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Umm, don't kill me? I know where this is going now, and she won't be with Ian forever... Just hang on, and I have decided that eventually there with be a Hotch/Emily pairing. Review please! If you have input/ideas/complaints I will consider them, just let me know.

Emily POV

The next few months passed in a blur of love, sex, and joy. Ian and I were happy, just spending time together. We went to dinner, and talked to our neighbors, made friends. No one suspected anything was wrong. Okay, who am I kidding? Nothing was wrong. I loved this new life, my new life. It was the most normal life I had ever lived. I never knew normal could feel so good.

Declan settled right in, and after a few weeks, he started at the local school. He loved it, and everyday he would come home, telling us something new that he learned. He made friends, who came to visit sometimes, and I was amused when I watched them play out in the yard, laughing and shouting. Their mothers would talk to me, treat me no different than anyone else. They were always in awe of me and Ian, how perfect our life seemed to be. I remember one day when Declan's best friend's mother brought him over.

"You and Ian look so happy. How do you do it"?

I said, I didn't know, that we were "just lucky, and in love".

She smiled and accepted my answer.

I was so happy. Overjoyed. Content. No longer did I have to worry about being in danger, catching serial killers. I was blissfully unaware of the outside world, living in my own little world, with Ian. No sleepless nights, or terrifying nightmares. Just sweet words and gentle caresses, declarations of love and infatuation. Games of tag, and soccer in yard. Swimming in the pool, sometimes in my clothes. Ian would just jump in, and pull me in after him.

I missed the team a lot. Sometimes so much it physically hurt. I missed Reid's facts and statistics, JJ's friendship and our girls nights out. I missed Penelope's bubbly attitude, how she could always make me feel better, no matter what. The way Derek always seemed to be protecting everyone. I remembered the way Rossi used to tell stories, and how they always made me laugh. Hotch. I missed the way his eyes seemed to see straight through me, through all the walls I put up. I missed our friendship, how outside of work, he would smile. The dimples that matched those of his son.

I knew the team would no doubt be looking for me. I felt bad, they would worry. They didn't need to worry about me. I knew, eventually, they would assume I was dead. I didn't want to cause them grief, but if I somehow let them know that I was happy, they would find me, and then I wouldn't be happy.

I had no desire to be found. I knew I would be taken from Ian, or he would be taken away from me. If they found him, I knew he or they would inevitably end up in a body bag. I couldn't handle that. No.

Emily was long gone, I was Lauren. I don't mean I was an arms dealer, or that I liked different things. No. Being Lauren meant that I loved Ian with all my heart, and that I would do anything for him. Anything. Everything.

I had so many good memories of those first few months, with both Declan, and Ian. One day Declan wanted to go to the park, and when he asked me, I gave him permission. As he ran off to gather his stuff, he said something, that he had never said before.

"Thanks mom!"

He also seemed to realize what he had done, and stopped short, turning back towards me. I smiled at him, silently saying that it was okay with me. He understood, and hugged me. From that moment on, I was "mom". When Ian heard about this, he wasn't surprised.

"You have always been a mother to him, love. It's what I always wanted for him, for us". And then he kissed me, cradled my face tenderly in his until we ran out of air. I loved kissing Ian. I loved Ian.

I remember waking up one morning, alone. I wondered where Ian went. He was always there when I woke up. Usually we were so tangled that you couldn't tell where he ended an I began. But not that day.

I rose slowly and threw on the silk robe by my bed. Under the robe lie a handwritten note, and I recognized Ian's characteristic scrawl immediately. The note said:  
Get dressed, and meet me in the gardens. I have a surprise for you.  
All my love,  
Ian

I finished my typical morning routine quicker than usual, which was probably because Ian was not there to, distract me. I pulled on a light yellow sundress and strappy sandals, and let my raven hair hang undisturbed.

I opened the big glass back door and walked towards the gardens. There was a path that winded through, lined with flowers. I started on the path, for I didn't know exactly where Ian was. When I got to my favorite flowers, Ian was standing there. I rushed to him and there my arms around him, kissing him lightly before pulling back.

"So, where's my surprise". He then got down on one knee, and pulled a black velvet box from his trouser pocket.

"Lauren, I love you so much. I was overjoyed when I got you back, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me"?  
I didn't even have to think. My answer was obvious.

"Yes, yes!"

We set a date for the wedding, exactly one year later. It was a beautiful time, and during the small window of time where my favorite flowers bloomed. Things didn't exactly go as planned, but I didn't mind.

AN: Thanks for reading, and please review!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thanks for all the alerts, but could you guys please review? I have about 25 alerts, but only get like 3 or 4 reviews per chapter, if I am lucky. Also, just fyi, there will only be only more happy chapter with Ian, then shit starts going down. Lol. It won't be next chapter though, next chapter will be completely about the team. Then the last happy chapter. Then the drama starts.

Emily POV

_We set a date for the wedding, exactly one year later. It was a beautiful time, and during the small window of time where my favorite flowers bloomed. Things didn't exactly go as planned, but I didn't mind. _

Our plans were changed when about a month later I began to feel sick. I would wake up early in the mornings and run to the bathroom, barely making it before I threw up in the toilet. Ian would come and hold my hair up, and at first we just thought that it was a stomach bug or something.

After a few days with no improvement, we began to get suspicious. We hadn't really talked about kids, but we both knew the signs, so later that day Ian went to the local drugstore and picked up a few tests. We had a five minute conversation about the future while we waited for the stick to turn pink.

Ian was delighted, and was practically pacing the room with excitement. I was happy, of course, I had always wanted kids, but I had some concerns. I was older now, and so the risks were higher, but Ian reassured me, and soon my fears were transformed into excitement. We were going to have a baby!

We decided to wait until a while after the baby was born to have the wedding, because I vehemently refused to look like a whale on my wedding day.  
I thought about what he or she would look like. Maybe she would have Ian's light hair and my eyes, or maybe she would look just like him, or me. There were so many possibilities, but what I wanted most was a little girl with my dark hair, and Ian's startling blue green eyes.

When we told Declan, we were cautious. He had gotten used to having all our attention, and we didn't know how he would feel about having a brother or sister that much younger than him. We were pleasantly surprised when he took it all in stride, and quickly took on the role of older brother. Because the baby wasn't born yet, he took to protecting me. If I ran "too fast" or went outside when it was "too cold" he would scold me.

"That's not good for the baby. You gotta be careful. I'm gonna be an older brother, so I have to make sure she stays safe".

I'm pretty sure Ian put him up to it, but I didn't mention it. Ian an had the tendency to be extreme in everything he did, and that included my protection. I thought it was cute, albeit annoying sometimes. I loved Ian.

Yes, she. When the time came, we had opted to find out the sex of the baby. Ian wanted to make the nursery perfect, and to do so he wanted to know whether to get princess or train wallpaper. Every time we got a sonogram picture, we put it up on the fridge. When you looked at the pictures, you could see her growing, getting bigger.

Ian was the best during my pregnancy, he catered to my every whim. We had our fights, but he was good about calming me down before they escalated. He even went out a couple of times in the middle of the night to get mint ice cream and banana peppers. Yes, I liked them together, along with a assortment of strange things on top. It ranged from almond slivers to marshmallows, and everything in between.

I remember the first time I felt her move. It was slight, and little, but I felt it. I was startled at first, and let out a gasp. Ian came over, wondering what was wrong. I took his hand and placed in on my swollen stomach. She moved again, and Ian looked at me with pure love in his eyes. He kissed me with the most love and passion that I had ever felt, and then he leaned down, kissed my stomach and started talking to her.

"I love you and your mother so much. Yes I do...".

Every night we would read a story to her, and when she was restless and moving around, he would put on soft music. I said it didn't do much, but Ian insisted. Even when I was eight months along, and felt like a whale, Ian still told me everyday that I was beautiful. He was so sweet. I loved Ian.

One day when I was particularly hormonal, I realized that in a week, it would had been a year since Ian had taken me. I didn't understand, it had flew by so fast. For the first time in a long time, I thought about the team, and felt bad. I came to the conclusion that they probably had assumed I was dead a long time ago. In my eyes that was a good thing, I didn't want to be found.

I cried anyways, because I missed them, and I cried for the grief I knew I was putting them through. Also, I was eight months pregnant for goodness sakes! Ian found me crying, and asked what was wrong. I said that I didn't know, even though I loved him I knew how he would react if I brought up the past. I was still myself, still a profiler. I knew what he was. I loved him anyways.

AN: Thanks for reading. Please review. I want to do Emily/Hotch later, but if you guys don't want me too, I won't. So tell me please!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: First of all, thanks so much for all the support you guys have given me lately! And I am glad I asked for your opinion about Hotch/Emily. Surprisingly, most of you said you wanted me to keep it Emily/Ian, or more correctly I guess, Lauren/Ian. Unfortunately, what I have planned doesn't exactly allow for that. What I am planning on doing is continuing with this how I planned, and then starting another story with the same first 6 chapters, and then changing. Sort of like a tree that splits halfway through, or a fork in the road. It will stay Lauren/Ian. Also, I am starting to start and end all my chapters with a quote, like CM does. Enjoy!

"In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man's torments". - Friedrich Nietzsche

Penelope Garcia POV  
It had been one year since that evil monster took our Emily away. One whole year! 365 days, which is 8760 hours, which is 525,600 minutes, which is 31,536,000 seconds! At first, we had been sure we would find her, we spent every minute of every day looking. We found nothing. Absolutely nothing. Even my all knowing skills weren't able to dig out anything. Nothing. I searched and searched and pried and dug and hacked my way into everything that seemed it would hold a clue. But, I found nothing. Nothing at all. The trail was dead, both Ian Doyle and Emily had disappeared. We found out Declan had gone missing, and they found Louise's body in the woods.

Our whole team flew out there, asking everyone questions. All their neighbors were interviewed, every surveillance picture scanned. We caught a glimpse of Doyle's men, but no Emily.

A few months later we had no leads, and the entire team was falling apart at the seams. Were were broken. Strauss had eventually ordered us to start taking normal cases again, she told us we had to

"Accept it and move on, she isn't coming back". That only fueled our search more. We were going to find her! Or at least get the monsters that took her.

As JJ once said, "Yes there are monsters, and it's okay to be afraid of them, but it's not okay to let them win, and it's not okay to be one". We were not going to let him win. No. Never.

After the loss of Emily, Strauss got back JJ for us. She thought it would bring the results back. She thought that if we had one more member again, things would go back to normal, and we would continue with our unparalleled success rate. All she cared about was that our success made her look good. JJ helped, but we were still missing a extremely important part. Emily. We hadn't really appreciated her before, hadn't realized everything she did for us. We sure did now. With every word we said, every action, we were aware of her absence. It was palpable in the air. Silent and devastating.

I focused on my work, no longer teasing, or flirting. I couldn't seem to find the energy to be happy, be the beacon of light that I used to be. I used all my energy to find Emily. It just wasn't enough. Derek stopped flirting with me, our usual playful banter vanished like smoke. He came early, stayed late, and then went to some bar to forget his sorrows for just a little while. It didn't seem to work, but he tried anyways, over and over again.

My friendship with JJ diminished too. Instead of clinging together, relying on each other for support like we should have, we drifted apart. There were no more girls nights out, or shopping trips. No gossiping in JJ's office, or searching the security feed for a scandal. Every time we talked, we felt like something was missing. Someone. Emily. It just wasn't the same. JJ would make a joke, and I would laugh, and think about how Emily would have a sarcastic reply. It wasn't complete with out her there. It just wasn't the same. It never would be again. Never.

Reid took it hard too. So many people had left him in his life, without a goodbye. He was determined that Emily would not be another one. Even his genius mind couldn't figure out the puzzle that was Emily Prentiss' kidnapping. He told me once that Emily was like the big sister he never had.

"She's family. And we don't give up on family".

Rossi just seemed to withdraw into himself, he was quite and sullen. Stoic and blank. Kind of like Hotch.

Hotch took it the worst out of all of us. He tried to be strong, to hide his pain, but soon gave up. When he didn't have Jack I don't think he even left the office, staying to obsess over the case files like he did with Foyet. No one knew he and Emily were close, but it was obvious that they were, just by the look in his eyes when we would mention her. I remember once he brought Jack to the office when Jessica was out of town. He told Jack to stay with me, because I wasn't working on much at the time.

"Stay with her, okay? I have to work buddy".  
"What are ya workin on Daddy? Are you gettin the bad guys?"  
"Remember Jack, I told you I had to work more cause I have to find the bad guys that took Miss Emily".  
"Daddy, you gotta find her. I love Miss Emily".  
"I know buddy, I know".

I was shocked to say the least. Most of us had only met Jack a few times, only enough to kinda remember our names. Be he "loved Miss Emily". She must of spent quite a bit of time with him. I asked Hotch about, and said that they were close. That Emily had been around, helped out after Haley had died. Apparently she used to babysit Jack sometimes.

It blew me away. How many more things would I find out about Emily Prentiss that I didn't know? That she had kept from me? How many secrets could one person hold inside themselves? Little or not, secrets were hard to keep. I thought so at least.  
Hotch refused to accept a new agent to replace Emily. No one even touched her desk. It was an unspoken rule. No one was going to touch her desk, because she was coming back. She was. But she didn't.

So here we were, a whole year later. Slowly, every one of us had accepted she wasn't coming back. She was dead. It was obvious by the looks we gave each other, they way we walked. Hope had left, leaving only despair.

Ambassador Prentiss came in one day and told us that on the anniversary of her kidnapping they were going to have a memorial service. She said that since there was no body, they were going to place things in her coffin. Things that were hers, things that she treasured. Letters, goodbyes.

The service was a somber affair, Emily wouldn't have liked it. The flowers weren't her favorite, the music the kind she disliked. It was a political event, her mother's doing. We all knew Emily hated politics. A few of her friends were there, but she didn't have many outside the team. Most of the guests were her mother's acquaintances. She wouldn't have liked that.

Each of us placed something in her coffin. I put a picture of us along with a letter, saying that I loved her. I saw Reid writing a letter the day before, crumpling paper after paper, searching for the right words. The right goodbye. I don't know if he found the words he felt in his heart, or if he just settled for the best he could find.

I don't know what Derek, or Rossi, or JJ did. My eyes were busy playing Niagara falls.

I saw Jack drawing a picture of Emily, holding his and his Dad's hands in a park. Hotch lifted Jack up and helped him place it in her coffin. I could see on the back that they had both written goodbyes. Jack's messy and large, with a big heart around it. Hotch's took up most of the page, written his small, connected writing. I didn't see what it said, but the look in his eyes said it all.

We all left the cemetery a mess, crying and weeping. I clung to Derek for the first time in a while, and it felt good. For the first time in a while, the whole team banded together. We supported each other and gave comfort. As hard as it was to say goodbye, goodbye gave us a little bit of closure.

"Goodbyes make you think, they make you realize what you've had, what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted." - Unknown

AN: Thanks! Please review! It makes my day!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thanks for all the story alerts and favorites, and the reviews! They make my day! And as always, if you have any suggestions/ideas/complaints tell me and I will consider it!

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking

around outside your body". - Elizabeth Stone

Emily POV

She was born in late April. During that special time where all the flowers boomed until the world was full of color, and all the birds sang their songs, filled the air with music and joy. She brought more happiness into our lives than anything else. I loved her with all my heart, unconditionally, and I knew that I would continue to do so forever.

Amelia Joy Doyle, that was her name. Lia for short. She was beautiful, exactly perfect. She had 10 fingers and 10 toes and that little button nose and innocence every child should have. She had a full head of dark soft hair, and baby blue eyes. Her hair was dark brown, almost black, the same shade as mine, which was an amazing contrast to her eyes. As she grew older they darkened at bit, and turned more green than blue. The color of the very first leaves on a tree in the spring, just after they revealed themselves to the awestruck world. Perfect.

Lia was a difficult child, I had spent countless hours in labor, but she was worth it. Labor was easily the worst pain I had ever experienced, but she was worth it a thousand times over. Lia was fussy, and barely ever slept, especially for long periods of time, but when she did, it was amazing. I loved watching her. I would feed her and then rock her until she succumbed to sweet sleep, and watch her innocent face as she dreamt.

She was so peaceful. Untainted by all the evil in the world. I decided that day, that I would do my best to keep her that way for as long as I could. I would protect her from everything I could. I would never be the distant, uncaring parent that mine were. I would always be there when she needed me. Always.

Ian was great with her, helping me and always waking up at all hours during the night to change her, or whatever was needed at the time. She already had him completely wrapped around her finger, from the moment he saw her.

I knew she was going to be Daddy's little princess. He would be the one to give into her every whim, and I would have to be the strict parent. I didn't know how well that would work out though. I didn't think I could deny her anything either.

He loved her name, so much that he refused to use the nickname that me and Declan had grown fond of. He always called her Amelia, if not Amelia Joy. I loved the way it sounded with his voice, his accent. It made it seem even more special. I asked him why he used her full name one day, and he said it was a beautiful name, and he liked the way it rolled off his tongue. I knew that wasn't the truth, so I pried a but more.

He admitted that his parents had chosen a short name for him, but even then they didn't have the time for him to address him by name. He was always "boy" or "you". It broke my heart that his childhood had been like that, though mine had not been much better. I embraced him, and thanked him for sharing that with me. Ian was a private person, and even me, his fiancée, didn't hear much about his childhood, or other things he was secretive about. I knew not to pry, he opened up best when it was of his own initiative.

Declan took to his little sister like bees to honey. He loved her right away, and spent more time with her than I had expected. He was a 13 year old boy, who had a short attention span. She was an infant who didn't do much besides sleep, and cry. But sometimes he would ask to hold her, and just sit in the sofa and talk to her. He told her stories, read her books, and every time she moved or even blinked, he would watch in awe.

If she did something particularly special, like smile or coo, he would call to me. Declan would tell me what she had done with a proud tone of voice and a soft smile. I would listen, and praise him for being such a good older brother.

I loved our little family. I had never been happier. Being a mother was the best thing that had even happened to me. I now understood everything that JJ and Hotch had said, understood how just a glimpse of your child could make you entire day worth it.

My days were filled, with Lia, and Declan I was rather busy. I would spend the day with Lia and Ian, and I put her down for a nap around the time when Declan got home from school every day. We would play a game, or I would help him with his homework. Then we would spend time as a family, and have dinner. After Declan and Lia went to sleep, I had along time with Ian.

The spark, the passion between us, hadn't faded, or gone away. It still seemed to be growing, multiplying. He could still make me want him with a single kiss, or a few choice words and touches. Life couldn't get much better than this.

"Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child". - Tina Brown

AN: Thanks for reading, and please review!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I personally really liked this chapter, it was fun to get into Declan's POV. I don't know how well I did, I really don't know what 12-13 year old boys think about, so if I was way off, I apologize. Also, I know that the situation is rather unrealistic, but just let it go. I couldn't think of anything better. Suspension of disbelief! Enjoy, and review please! I have like 35 alerts now, and only 5 review per chapter! Please review, they really encourage me to update, and write slightly longer chapters, like this one!

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"It doesn't matter who my father was, it matters who I remember he was." - Anne Sexton

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Emily POV

Soon after Lia was born, Declan left to go on a trip with his classmates. When he had first asked to go, we were a bit surprised, and took a long time deciding our answer. He was usually pretty clingly, and didn't want to be away for long periods of time. Yes, he had sleepovers, but he always came home in the morning without a fuss, happy to see us. It was a trip to America, they were going to go to places like New York City and D.C.

I didn't really understand why the school wanted to bring them there, but every 2 years the school took kids somewhere in the world, it just happened to be the U.S. this time. We lived in an extremely wealthy section of Ireland, and most of the kids had parents too busy or uncaring to travel with them. The school kind of made up for the neglecting parents in some cases, so I understood the point of the trip.

They had just finished up a big unit in geography on America, and Declan was so excited. He had lived there, so he couldn't wait to show off to all his friends about the things he knew, or had seen before.

When he came home with the sign up papers and forms, Ian had initially wanted to say no. Ian was so protective, so worried, but I saw the look in Declan's eyes. He wanted to go so badly. I didn't see any harm in it, he would be with a big group of kids and teachers. I managed to convince Ian with a few comforting words and a kiss or too. He was wrapped around my finger too.

When we told Declan he could go, he jumped up and down, and thanked us repeatedly. He wanted to go call his friend Nick, and see if Nick could go too. He ran off to grab his phone, but then he grew quite for a moment. He turned back towards us, and I could see a small frown of his face. What could be wrong?

"I'm gonna miss you though. And Lia. What if she needs me? I'm gonna miss out on something".

He was so distressed, and adorable. I gave him a big hug and comforted him, saying that we could talk on the phone whenever he wanted, and Lia would be fine. I told him that he wouldn't miss anything, he was only going to be gone 10 days after all. I would miss him so much!

So then we started getting him ready for the trip, we went to the store and bought him a big blue suitcase to put his clothes in, as he didn't have one from before. He had an iPod touch, and we gave him a gift card to buy games he could play during the flight. He took pictures of Ian, Lia, and I, saying that when he missed us he could see our picture. We even recorded our voices, saying we loved him, and Lia's little coo. We packed him airplane snacks, and each hid a letter in his bag after he had gone to sleep the day before departure. He would read them on the plane, and hopefully feel a bit better.

Maybe we went a bit far, but that's okay. Ian and I wanted him to have a great time on his trip, and did everything we could to make sure that it would happen. I would miss him, but he would be home soon.

Declan's POV

I was so excited! I couldn't believe mom and dad let me go. I mean, we were going on a trip to another country with no parents. Yes, there were going to be teachers, but the teachers at out school were awesome. They let us have gum in class and everything! At my old school, you got detention if you chewed gum. That's a big difference!

Me and my best friend Nick were going to sit together on the plane. I had so many things planned to do, and so did Nick. First, we were going to spy on the girls until we were allowed to take us stuff out once the plane was in the air. By the girls, I mean Laura and Allie. Laura was okay, but I really liked Allie. She was nice and funny and I always got kinda nervous talking to her. They didn't really say much, just giggled and whispered and giggled some more.

We got bored pretty quick. During takeoff we counted down and tried to get to zero as we lifted off. We didn't really succeed but thats okay. We still said liftoff on time really loud, which kinda got us in trouble. But that's okay. We still had 2 warnings left. Those would last a while, maybe.

When I opened my bag to get my stuff, I saw an envelope that I didn't remember putting in there. I opened it and found a letter from my mom and dad. It made me smile. They just said how they loved me and missed me, and would see me soon. I could even see a little watermark where Lia had no doubt drooled onto the page. I would miss them, but this trip was gonna be great!

When the flight finally landed hours and hours and hours later, we were exhausted. The trip was so tiring. Who knew being bored could make you tired? Not me, that's who. We flew into D.C. and we were going to tour around the city for a few days and then head up to NYC. I was so excited! We were gonna go get a tour of the FBI headquarters and then see all the monuments and stuff.

Nobody really knew what the FBI was, except for me, so I got to tell them all about it. When I lived here I had seen some mystery movies and crime shows, so I totally knew what I was talking about.

"They are like secret agents. They put murderers and stuff in jail. Kinda like James Bond!".

"What does FBI stand for". Nick always asked questions, and I never knew the answers, that was okay though.

"Who cares? They carry guns and shoot people!"

"Ya, I guess your right. Race you to the room, first one gets to swipe the key card".

We got real excited after that, and we went into our room at the hotel. I won, I was really fast, and got to swipe the card in the swiper thingy. It made a little noise and the door opened! We all went right to bed, cause the quicker we fell to sleep the quicker it would be tomorrow!

The next day we all piled up onto a big tour bus and headed to Quantico, where the FBI guys worked. We went into the building, and it was huge! We started by talking to a FBI guy, I don't remember his name. He was really cool though and answered questions and we even got to see his badge! It was sooo cool, just like in all the movies. There were so many people around, and they were all FBI. I wondered if every country had this many secret agents.

Next we got to see an office where they worked and then a big wall with pictures on it. FBI's most wanted! We got to look for a little while, and I scanned each picture quickly, trying to remember all of the faces. That way if I ever saw one of them I could catch them. When I got to the bottom there was a picture of...my dad? It must be wrong, but it looked just like him! And it said his name too!

"Ian Doyle, wanted for the kidnap of SSA Emily Prentiss, along with terrorism and weapons smuggling".

I was so confused, my dad didn't kidnap anyone. I figured I should tell them that, they must of screwed up or something. I walked over to the tour guide and told him.

"I think you guys screwed up, cause that's a picture of my dad. And it's his name too. But he didn't do anything wrong". The man looked alarmed for a minute, and then shocked.

"What's your name?"

"Declan, Declan Doyle".

"You're going to have to come with me".

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"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like". - Lemony Snicket


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favorites! I love you guys! Enjoy this chapter. Honestly, I got about half of what I planned done, but thats okay. I love Declan's POV, and got to explore Hotch's and Derek's a bit here too, so I hope I did okay. Also, I haven't decided who's POV I want next chapter to be in, so you guys can decide. Your choices are JJ, Garcia, Hotch, Reid, or Derek. I really don't feel comfortable doing Rossi, and Seaver isn't in this story. Enjoy the chapter!

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"Those who are incapable of committing great crimes do not readily suspect them in others".- François de La Rochefoucauld

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_"What's your name?"  
"Declan, Declan Doyle".  
"You're going to have to come with me". _

Declan POV

The man placed a hand on my shoulder, and led me away from the rest of my class. Everyone stared after me in confusion, and in some cases, awe. I wondered if this would use up one of my warnings. I was planning on making full use of the two I had left. I didn't know what was happening, but they were the FBI, they wouldn't hurt me. I knew my dad wasn't a bad guy, they must just be asking some questions to make sure before they took his picture down. I didn't understand how they could have gotten it in the first place, but whatever. I think it must be a coincidence. But, on crime shows they didn't believe in coincidences. Oh well. Thinking this hard was way to much work!

This whole thing would be sorted out soon, and then I could go back to my friends and tell them I had been interrogated by the FBI! I bet Allie would think I was really brave after this. Yes, this was definitely a good thing. I followed him through the building and into the elevator. As it was shooting up through the floors, I decided to ask him what was going on.

"Hey, Mr. uuh... Sir? Where are we going?"

He looked down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. He just looked calm, blank. I couldn't tell what he was gonna say.

"We have some questions for you about your Dad, and I'm taking you to the BAU, they are they people who know the questions we need to ask".

He didn't sound like he liked my Dad, but he didn't sound like he hated him either. He was so hard to figure out. I tried asking some more questions, but he said he didn't know anything else. He did answer one of my questions though.

"What's BAU stand for?"

"Behavioral Analysis Unit".

Unfortunately, I didn't really know what that meant either. Behavior, like getting in trouble is bad behavior. So maybe how you act? Analysis, I had heard that word in science, it meant lookin at things real hard and figuring them out. When we analyzed stuff in science we used magnifying glasses. So maybe these people looked at people behaving under magnifying glasses.

That sounded kinda weird, but they were the FBI! They must know what they are doing. Maybe I will try that with Lia when I get home, see if I can figure out what she wants for once. that would be pretty cool, and mom and dad would wonder how I did it. I bet that it's a super secret confidential spy technique. Maybe I could start being a spy in  
training. That would be a pretty cool job. Normal jobs sounded boring. Like typing stuff and writing reports and reading papers and that kinda stuff. Boring! I needed some adventure. I was a pretty adventurous guy. I had really narrowed down my options to Secret Agent and professional soccer player. My life was gonna rock!

We got to a big room with lots of desks, and papers everywhere. Two blond girls were talking to a guy who was tall and skinny, and looked kinda embarrassed. Another guy came over to them and slung his arms of the girls' shoulder. When he did that I could see he had a tattoo of a lion on his arm. It was so cool!

Maybe I could get a tattoo, especially a tough looking one like that. I knew Mom and Dad both had them, though Moms looked a lot different than Dads and this guy's. Hers was kinda darker and thicker, and a little wrinkled. It kinda seemed like hers was shallow or something. I wanted to get a tattoo of something really tough, like a snake or something like that. Mom and Dad both had them of a four leaf clover, how lame was that?

My FBI guy brought us over to the cool tattoo dude, and started talking to him.

"Hey, Morgan. This kid was on the tour, and we showed them the most wanted wall. When he saw Doyle's picture, he said that it was his dad. I though I should probably have him talk to you guys".

'Morgan' seemed kinda confused at first, and looked angry when my Dad's name was mentioned. he then turned to me, with a look of shock on his face. He squinted his eyes a bit and tilted his head. He seemed worried and excited at the same time.

"Are you Declan Doyle?"

I nodded my head, confused. I didn't know why he would know my name? They other guy hadn't said anything about it. By now the other guy and the two girls were listening in, and they had similar reactions to Morgan's. The guy squinted a bit and then started searching through a desk near us for something. One blond girl started smiling, and crying. I really didn't get girls.

The other blond girl immediately left and went up to an office, and came back with a tall, dark headed dude. Another older guy trailed in behind them. The dark haired dude totally looked like he could be a spy or something. He must be the one who used the awesome behavior thingy. They all kinda surrounded me, and just looked at me in shock. I was really worried. What was going on?

Morgan POV

"Hey, Morgan. This kid was on the tour, and we showed them the most wanted wall. When he saw Doyle's picture, he said that it was his dad. I though I should probably have him talk to you guys".

I turned toward Anderson and then looked at the boy in shock. He definitely looked like the pictures we had been staring at day after day, not so long ago. You could also see some of his father in him. Yes, I was convinced that this was that... Sonofabitch's kid. I didn't really need the confirmation, but I asked anyway, just to make sure I wasn't seeing things I had longed to see so badly.

"Are you Declan Doyle"? When he nodded, I didn't know what to think. I tried so badly not to get my hopes up. Hope had only prolonged our grief before, but still. If Declan had walked right into the FBI building, what kind of state was that bastard in? He must be pretty out of it, letting his kid come here. What did that mean for Emily? Even if she was dead, no even though she was dead, we could still catch the man who killed her.

That's what I wanted. Revenge.

Hotch POV

JJ burst into my office, without knocking. This was unusual for her, Dave often came in uninvited but JJ was the epitome of professional. She seemed shocked, and confused.

"Hotch, Declan is here. In the BAU. Ian Doyle's son".

I knew who Declan was, what he looked like. I had sent forever mulling over the case files, looking at pictures of the boy and his father that security cameras had captured more than a year ago. But, why was he here?

I didn't waste any time, I got right up and filled JJ back to the rest of the team. Rossi saw us gathering and followed too. When I saw him, I knew it was true. That was Declan Doyle. Alive and healthy, right in front of me. How I wished that it was Emily instead. But at least we could get Ian Doyle, I had no doubt of that now.

We had the most important thing to him, his son. He would pay for what he had done, who he had taken from us. I would get revenge for Emily, and it would be sweet.

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"Revenge is a confession of pain" - Latin Proverb

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AN: Hope you liked it! Don't forget to tell me what POV you want. Either JJ, Garcia, Hotch, Reid or Derek!


	11. Chapter 11

AN: So, thanks for your input guys! There were 3 votes for JJ and Reid, 2 for Hotch and Garcia, and 1 for Derek, so I ended up doing JJ, Reid, Hotch, and Garcia! This is the longest chapter yet, it is a bit repetitive, but I wanted every character to have their own say and thoughts!

**It's my birthday tomorrow, and after I post this I go to bed. I usually read my reviews in the mornings. So if you could review that would be an amazing birthday present! **

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"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be." - Douglas Adams

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JJ POV  
All of us were pretty confused, I mean, how did Declan just show up in the BAU? They rest of them just seemed speechless, so I decided to step in. Chances are we would need information he could tell us, so I didn't want to spook him. We needed to gain his trust, have him open up. And, as a mother, I would probably able to do that best. Yes, Hotch had Jack but he was quite intimidating to most people.

I decided to just start with simple questions, harmless things that wouldn't threaten him.

"So you name is Declan, right? That's a cool name! What are you parent's names?"

"Ya, thanks! My Dad's name is Ian and my Mom's name is Lauren. What's your name?"

I was shocked by this, Lauren had been Emily's undercover name. I had expected Declan to say that he didn't have a mom, or that she had died. What if, Emily was alive? No, I wouldn't get my hopes up. Lauren was a common name.

"My name is Jennifer Jareau, but everyone calls me JJ. Your parents seem pretty cool. Do they look like you?".

"My Dad looks a little like me, I've got his eyes, but I don't look anything like my Mom. Oh wait, I can show you a picture!".

He reached into the pocket of his hoodie, and pulled out an iPod touch with a dark blue case. He clicked a few buttons, and then came up with a picture of Ian Doyle himself.

"That's my Dad, and this" he switched to the next picture "is my Mom".

I gasped, that was Emily alright. Emily was alive! I couldn't believe it, it didn't make sense. Why hadn't Doyle killed her yet? Why did she look, happy? I could hear the team's collective breath as they too saw the picture. We were all in shock. But Declan wasn't done, no.

"And this is my little sister Lia. Amelia Joy Doyle. She is only two months old!".

We all gasped again, louder this time as Declan showed us a picture of a little baby girl, who looked so much like our Emily. She had dark curls the color of Emily's hair, and her facial shape. They only things that weren't Emily's were the baby's nose and eyes, which mirrored the boy in front of us and the man we all despised. Ian Doyle.

We now had to face the facts, Emily was alive! But...she had given birth to Ian Doyle's child. That pathetic excuse of a man must have raped her! Is that why he kept her? For his _entertainment_? If that was true, what kind of state would Emily be in if we got her back? When we get her back. We will. We have too. I promised myself that we would save her, get her back where she belongs. And Ian Doyle too. He belonged 6 feet under, and if I had a chance, that's where I would put him.

Hotch POV

I was relieved when JJ took control of the situation, I didn't know what to do. I was decent with Jack, but that doesn't mean I'm good with random kids I don't know. And anyways, this was about Emily, and I didn't want to go blurting put something I shouldn't.

No one knew what I had really felt about her, and I planned on keeping it that way. I wouldn't say I was in love with her, though I was heading that way. I just cared a lot more for her than what was appropriate. She was my coworker, hell I was her boss. I knew it was stupid, and unresponsible, and unprofessional.

But damn, everything about her, just, got to me. It got to a point where if she bit her lip I noticed, I knew which sweaters and blazers look best on her. I watched her constantly. It wasn't just lust, though there was plenty of that to go around. Every time I sent her out in the field, I worried. Every time another man flirted with her, I was jealous. I almost loved her. I never got to tell her.

"So you name is Declan, right? That's a cool name! What are you parent's names?" I admired JJs tact, the way she always seemed to find out what she wanted to know, and gain trust at the same time. I didn't know how we had functioned without her.

"Ya, thanks! My Dad's name is Ian and my Mom's name is Lauren. What's your name?"

Lauren. That was Emily's undercover alias. But, there were so many Laurens in the world. I couldn't help but hope, she could be alive! I wanted that more than anything else. If we got her back, I would protect her from everything. She would never be hurt again. I couldn't bear it.

"My name is Jennifer Jareau, but everyone calls me JJ. Your parents seem pretty cool. Do they look like you?". Good, maybe he could describe Emily, and we could start looking for her. I was itching to do something. What if she was alive, what if she didn't have much time left. I had to save her. What happened to Haley would never repeat itself. No.

"My Dad looks a little like me, I've got his eyes, but I don't look anything like my Mom. Oh wait, I can show you a picture!". I tightened my hands into fists as he pulled out a picture of that bastard that took my Emily. I would get him.

"That's my Dad, and this" he switched to the next picture "is my Mom".

Relief. Happiness. Longing. Anger. Confusion. The emotions rushed through me one by one. She was okay! But she wasn't here. I missed her so much. He needed to give her back. Doyle had no right to take her away from us. From me. But...why did she look...happy?

"And this is my little sister Lia. Amelia Joy Doyle. She is only two months old!".

She looked just like Emily. I couldn't tear my eyes off the screen for quite some times, until I saw the eyes. Doyle's eyes. Emily had always liked that name. Amelia. She told me once when we were talking about kids. She said she had always wanted them.

At that point, I had imagined a different scenario. Her having my child. Amelia Hotchner. Not Doyle. He raped her, and she was forced to have his child. What kind of person did that to someone. I knew what kind. A disturbed person. A sick person. This one didn't deserve to live. He needed to suffer for what he had done. Justice would be served, soon. I would make sure of that.

Reid POV

My mind whirled, calculating the statistics of the exact boy we had been looking for showing up in the BAU. The odds weren't great, yet, there he was. Right in front of us.

"So you name is Declan, right? That's a cool name! What are you parent's names?"

I knew the origin of the name Declan, and was about to say so when Rossi caught my eye, and shook his head slightly. Apparently this wasn't a good time for it, so I closed my mouth for the time being.

"Ya, thanks! My Dad's name is Ian and my Mom's name is Lauren. What's your name?"

I wasn't a bit surprised at that, the chances of him not being Doyle's son were quite slim. I was surprised at Lauren being his mom's name though. Statistically, men didn't date women with the same name very often.

"My name is Jennifer Jareau, but everyone calls me JJ. Your parents seem pretty cool. Do they look like you?".

"My Dad looks a little like me, I've got his eyes, but I don't look anything like my Mom. Oh wait, I can show you a picture!".

He seemed like a nice kid, which was strange. If he was Doyle's, he should be suffering some kind of mental instability from dealing with his father's actions.

"That's my Dad, and this" he switched to the next picture "is my Mom".

It was definitely Emily. She was alive! It didn't make sense, it didn't fit the profile. I didn't understand.

"And this is my little sister Lia. Amelia Joy Doyle. She is only two months old!". Ahh, now that made sense! A child together would change the profile. I quickly started adjusting it in my head. I knew we needed to save Emily, so I started helping the best way I could. Victimology and profiling.

Garcia POV

I felt so bad for the little boy in front of us. I had run his picture through enough facial recognition databases to know who we were talking too. This was definitely Declan Doyle. Its not his fault his father is evil, and I didn't blame him. I just felt bad that he had to live with him. JJ started the conversation, no surprise there.

"So you name is Declan, right? That's a cool name! What are you parent's names?"

"Ya, thanks! My Dad's name is Ian and my Mom's name is Lauren. What's your name?"

Lauren, wait, wasn't that Emily's alias? Yes, it was! Oh my gosh! Emily could be alive! This would be the best thing ever! I always dreamed about her randomly showing up here, and I guess Declan was the next best thing!

"My name is Jennifer Jareau, but everyone calls me JJ. Your parents seem pretty cool. Do they look like you?".

"My Dad looks a little like me, I've got his eyes, but I don't look anything like my Mom. Oh wait, I can show you a picture!".

Ohh, a picture. I bet it will be Emily. I can just feel it. I am the oracle of Quantico, you know!

"That's my Dad, and this" he switched to the next picture "is my Mom".

It was it was it was! Emily is officially alive! Yay yay yay yay yay! As I was mentally cheering, Declan flipped to a picture of a beautiful dark haired baby girl with green eyes.

"And this is my little sister Lia. Amelia Joy Doyle. She is only two months old!".

No no no no no. Emily! No. I was sobbing in my head. Poor Emily. Being raped! The child was still Emily's though, and I knew Emily no doubt loved her. When we got her back I would help spoil her and love her.

I knew that the boys would have a hard time accepting Doyle's child, but I knew it didn't matter. She was Emily's too, and it was Amelia's fault her father was an evil kidnaping sicko! We would get him!

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"Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in". - Alan Alda

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AN: Thanks for reading, and please review! It would help make my **birthday** amazing!


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Thanks for all the reviews, my birthday was great! My sister gave my teachers little notes and gifts to give me in all of my classes today. It was super cute! I just had to share that. :) Hope you enjoy this chapter! I had fun writing it!

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"It is not love that is blind, but jealousy". - Lawrence Durrell

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Hotch POV

After Declan showed the picture of Emily's daughter, everyone just kind of shut down for awhile. Declan stood there waiting for us to stop staring at the picture and pay attention to him again. When we finally did, he started showing us the rest of the pictures on his iPod. There was a picture of Emily and Doyle, and they were, _embracing_. When Declan got to that picture, he decided it warranted an explanation.

"They were acting normal and smiling and then all of a sudden they did that. I didn't mean to get a picture of them like that, I see enough of that at home. Seriously! Gross".

My blood boiled with jealousy. I knew it was irrational, I mean, we all knew that Emily didn't want it. But still. That_ thing_ got to touch her and hold her and kiss her senseless, whenever he wanted. Everything I had wanted to do, but never had. That picture should have been me. Could have been me. Maybe it will be someday.

"This is our whole family, I got Nick's mom to take it before we left".

In the picture, Declan was standing in front of his Dad, with his Dads hand on his shoulder. He was grinning wildly. Emily was standing by Doyle, holding Lia, and laughing at something. She was looking towards Doyle a bit, and her head was tilted back with laughter. Doyle was looking at her with a tender look on his face.

If I didn't know better, I would say that it was a happy family. That Emily loved Doyle and he her. But I knew better. Emily Prentiss was a fabulous actress, and thats what she was doing, acting. _Just acting_. Because she couldn't possibly have genuine feelings for him, right?

At that point one of Declan's teachers came to see what was going on, and she was informed that Declan needed to stay here for awhile, and that his parents were to know nothing. I told her myself that it was a matter of life and death, and surely she didn't want to be responsible for someone's death, did she? Of course not, so she contacted the rest of the group and stayed with Declan to supervise.

I wanted to ask more questions, but JJ gave me a look and walked out of the room, so I followed her.

"Hotch, the last thing we want to happen is for him to clam up. He is getting nervous and overwhelmed with all of us in here. I'm going to take him and his teacher to the conference room and ask some more questions. I'll find out where they live, phone numbers, the kind of thing we will need to know for an ambush. Sound okay?"

"Good idea JJ. Do you think you can convince him to let me borrow his iPod? I could probably get something for the profile from the things on there".

"Sure thing, Hotch. They seem cooperative enough".

A few minutes later most of the team had dispersed. JJ was off talking to Declan, Reid went off to update the victimology. Garcia was wired into JJs conversation, and was ready to use the new information to track down Emily.

Declan let me borrow his iPod, and I went to my office to look through it. Morgan and Dave attempted to follow me, so I shot them a dark look.

"Hotch, we want to help. Let us do something". I didn't want them looking at the iPod with me, I needed time to process this, alone. But I couldn't think of anything else for them to do.

"Hey, Hotch! What if we go talk to Declan's classmates, friends. See what we can find out about their life".

"That would be beneficial. Go ahead".

They hurried off towards the elevator, and I sighed in relief. I knew they were worried for Emily too, but they really just didn't understand. No one would. I sat down in my chair, and started going through the iPod.

The music was nothing unusual, same with the games and applications on there. There was a folder called "trip" and in it was a few games, I assumed they were for the plane, and a sound recording application. I clicked on it, and a few tracks popped up. "Mom", "Dad", and "Lia". I clicked on Lia first and was surprised to hear a baby's cry come out of the small speakers. I could hear Emily's voice over the cry.

"Dec, honey. You sister loves you and misses you. She wants you to have a great time". Lia had finally stopped crying, and let out a little coo before the recording ended. It was amazing to hear her voice again. It was just how I remembered it. I missed her so much! I clicked on the recording named mom next.

"Hey Dec. I love you and miss you so much. I hope you are having a lot of fun! Take lots of pictures and send us emails! If you're missing us, it's okay. Just enjoy your time there and you will be home sooner than you think. I love you!"

Emily was so loving, so compassionate. I could easily see her caring for Declan, treating him as her own. She had such a big heart. When she told him she loved him, I imagined what it would be like to hear her say those three amazing words to me. What would it be like if she loved me?

I listened to the recording of Doyle quickly, not caring much for the contents. It didn't reveal more than I already knew. Ian Doyle loved his son. No surprise there. So I moved on and opened up the photo album. There were a lot of pictures of Declan and his friends, and Doyle, and Emily, and Lia. One picture took my breath away. It had a caption at the bottom. "My baby sister". The picture showed Emily sitting on a lawn chair in a beautiful garden. The wind blew her hair back, and she stared into the distance. She obviously didn't know the picture was being taken.

What drew my attention were her hands, which rested on her stomach. Her obviously pregnant stomach. I estimated her to be around 5 months, showing, but not a huge bump. She was so gorgeous, so beautiful. And so happy. I didn't understand how she could look that way while she was being held hostage by him. I couldn't fathom it. It must have been the child.

If a baby could make her so happy, why hadn't she had one before now? Oh how I wished it was my child inside her, my child making her radiate happiness. Not his.

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"As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do". - Zachary Scott

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AN: Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I had a speech meet and had to be there at 6 in the morning, and didn't get home until like 9 at night. :p You will probably get 2 chapters today though! This chapter is about them planning an ambush, next chapter will be about Emily and Ian while Declan is away, and then the next will be the actual ambush! Hope you like the chapter, and please review!

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"At the approach of danger there are always two voices that speak with equal force in the heart of man: one very reasonably tells the man to consider the nature of the danger and the means of avoiding it; the other even more reasonable says that it is too painful and harassing to think of the danger, since it is not a man's power to provide for everything and escape from the general march of events; and that it is therefore better to turn aside from the painful subject till it has come, and to think of what is pleasant. In solitude a man generally yields to the first voice; in society to the second". - Leo Tolstoy

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Hotch POV

I called a meeting in the conference room, and the rest of the team assembled quickly.

"I looked through Declan's iPod, which didn't contain anything vital. There are a few things that could help with the profile, but we can go over that later. JJ?"

"Alright, so I talked to Declan. He gave me their address and phone numbers, along with a description of the house. It's surrounded by a wrought iron gate, too tall to climb over, so we will need to get through it. Luckily, it's not manned and operates by a keypad. Declan gave me the code, so it won't be a problem. When you enter the house, you see a flight of stairs almost immediately. We will need to go up both flights and take a right. The room on the left is Lia's, the one on the right is Emily and Doyle's".

I thought for a second on strategy, but Morgan beat me to it.

"We should stake out the house, wait for Doyle to leave before we enter. That way we can get Emily and Lia out, and not put them in as much danger. We can wait and ambush him when he gets home. That way he can't threaten their lives, or take them hostage. If we had to we could enter at night, but Emily and Doyle likely sleep in the same bed, so it would be easy for him to use her as a shield. Also, he hasn't killed her yet, so I doubt he is planning on it. We have some time".

"Good, Morgan. What did you and Rossi find out from his classmates?"

"Not much that we didn't already know. From the outside they appear to be a happy family, because Emily is pretending to love him, or rather, she is pretending to be Lauren".

Reid spoke up then with something I'm sure the rest of us, including me, hadn't considered.

"Have you considered Emily might have Stockholm Syndrome? Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors as an act of kindness. She has been captive for more than a year, and has a child with him. Statistically, she should at least a little bit by now. Approximately 27% of all victims show some signs of Stockholm syndrome".

I refused to entertain that possibility. Emily was a federal agent, she knew how to protect herself, both physically and mentally. Though I could rule it out in my head, I couldn't aloud, because I knew Reid would argue his point, and probably win. I just couldn't bear to think of it.

I knew enough about Stockholm Syndrome to know that the feelings from it are often weak, but can be strong. Love is a common feeling from it. The thing that scared me the most was that I knew that the feelings from it were very, very real, and didn't often go away quickly. She couldn't care for him. She couldn't love him. No way. It just wasn't okay.

"We'll deal with that when we have to, but not now. It doesn't affect the ambush plan at all, it's not like we are giving her a choice to come with us".

"Well..." Morgan seemed to consider carefully what he was going to say next "I think Reid is kind of right. If Declan hadn't walked in here, we probably would have never found her. I bet she knew that. She probably let herself develop Stockholm Syndrome as a coping mechanism. It was either that or be miserable for well, the rest of her life".  
"I repeat, it doesn't matter. Stockholm Syndrome is not permanent, and usually isn't very strong. Chances are she will come with me willingly. If I have to I will pick her up and carry her out of there, I am saving her, whether she wants to be saved, or not. Agreed?"

The team could tell I meant business, so they didn't argue any more. I got a few "Yes, sirs" and we moved on to work out the logistics of the whole thing. I meant what I said. Emily Prentiss was coming back with us, no matter what.

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"No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities." - Christian Nestell Bovee

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AN: Read and review please! Also, after next chapter I might take all the Lauren/Ian chapters and edit them a bit, and start a new story with them. In the new story, the team won't find her. Her and Ian will "live happily ever after" so to speak. **BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE INTERESTED! REVIEW AND SAY YOU ARE INTERESTED IF YOU WOULD READ IT, OTHERWISE I WONT SPENT TIME ON IT!** Also, look out for another chapter later tonight!


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Hey so I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit of a filler chapter, but it was necessary. You will see why. Thanks for all the reviews, I will be editing the chapters and posting the revised beginning of the new story tonight! I will try to update the Emily/Ian one often, but it wont be as often as this one. This will stay the priority.

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"Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible". - Thomas A. Kempis

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Emily POV

It was kinda nice to have Declan out of the house for awhile, don't get me wrong, I loved him so much and missed him terribly, but it was a nice break. We still had Lia, but she slept a lot and didn't complain every time we showed affection for each other. Declan was old enough to not think kissing was gross, but that didn't apply to when his parents did it.

Every time we kissed he would at the very least make a face, and most of the time he would cry out "Gross!". Needless to say it was nice not hearing that constantly, as, well, Ian couldn't keep his hands off me.

At first when we got back together I thought it was normal, I thought the clingyness and possessiveness would fade. Alas, that was not the case. If anything, it grew as time went on. Whenever he was around me, which was almost all the time as we both didn't really work, he would wrap an arm around me, hold my hand, or place his hand on the small of my back. We were always touching, and we were always around each other.

I never went anywhere without him, and he never went anywhere without me. Even menial tasks like grocery shopping or running errands were done together. The only time he ever went anywhere without me was right after Lia was born and we needed diapers. He ran to the store and grabbed some quickly, coming straight back. It only took a few minutes, and even that was weird. I was totally dependent on his constant presence. Even around the house we were always together, well, except for that one day.

Lia had kept me up all night and was crying again, and I just snapped.

"Ian, hurry up! I'm getting a headache from all her crying and I'm so tired".

"Lo, if I heat up the bottle any faster it will get too hot, and then we'll have to let it cool down. You know that".

"God, can you stop being such a smartass for one minute! Seriously. You never do anything wrong, according to you. Well, according to me you do! Ugh, take her for awhile. I'm going for a walk".

I angrily slammed the door and stomped my way out into the garden. I took a path that led through the woods towards the river. I walked quickly, taking out my frustration on the hard ground beneath me. He was just too perfect sometimes. It was infuriating! Even the sounds of the rushing water and chirping birds did nothing to calm my temper. I didn't notice the flowers and leaves around me, nor the puffy white clouds in the sky. I stared at my feet and kicked small rocks as I walked. I was pissed. So pissed.

I found my favorite spot, which was a rock on the edge of the river where you could let your feel just skim the water. I sat down, took my shoes and socks off, let my feet dangle in the cool water, and then the damn broke.

A waterfall of tears burst out of my eyes. I knew it was just hormones, but that certainly didn't make me feel any better. If anything it just made me feel stupid and much worse.  
I cried for awhile and then I heard footsteps.

I looked up and it was Ian. He sat down my me tentatively, encouraged when I didn't shout at him or shoot him a death glare. I had a very good death glare, I had worked for Hotch for 4 years, I was bound to pick up on it!

"The housekeeper is looking after Amelia for a while. She finally fell asleep".

I nodded, but didn't say anything. I wasn't quite ready to talk to him yet.

"Look, Lo. I'm sorry I upset you. I know it's hard right now with Amelia but it will get better, I promise".

I smiled softly at him, but still didn't say anything. We sat in silence for a few minutes, me calming down, and him waiting for me to talk to him again. he knew when I was mad it was best to let me calm down, not to push.

We had a couple squabbles here and there, but this was the worst so far. I finally calmed down and actually looked Ian in the eyes. He was looking at me with an apprehensive, slight terrified expression. I almost laughed at this, but held it in.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped too. I'm just so tired lately".

"I know, it'll get better. I love you".

He leaned down towards me and pressed his lips against mine, softly at first, and then more insistently. I responded, sighing as the familiar feeling engulfed me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and melted into him. It didn't grow heated though. It was a kiss of comfort, not one of passion. We pulled back, and then hugged tightly.

"I love you too".

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"Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back". - Author Unknown

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AN: So the point of this chapter was to realize that the team wont be able to get Emily when Ian is gone because he is never gone. They will have to make up a new plan.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: So, thanks for all the reviews! Hope you enjoy this chapter, I thought it was a bit weird, but this story has a mind of its own.

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"We are not only less reasonable and less decent in our dreams... we are also more inteligent, wiser and capable of better judgment when we are asleep than when we are awake". - Erich Fromm

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Hotch POV

We ended up taking off for Ireland the next day. Before we left we had to take care of some things, like make sure we had clearance for the ambush and find somewhere for Declan to stay. He was a nice, easy going kid, and just kind of followed the tide. He didn't fight us much when we said he couldn't go back to his father, which was surprising. He just, went with it I guess.

The fact that we wanted to help Emily made him feel a lot better, Declan really thought of Emily as his mother. We had him stay with Garcia, who took to him immediately. She let him play video games on one of her computers, and had him tell her stories about Emily, or rather Lauren. You could always hear laughter when you walked by her office, it was good for both of them.

We boarded the jet early in the morning, and the atmosphere was a tense one. The excitement and nerves were palpable in the air. This was it, what we all had been hoping for for more than a year. We finally found her, and we were going to bring her home, bring her back to where she belonged. With the BAU, with me.

We went over our strategy on the flight there. The plan was to stake out the house for a while, waiting until Doyle left Emily and Lia alone. The best option would be if he left and we got Emily and Lia out safely before he came back. We would then wait for him, and then destroy him.

I was under no illusions that we would bring him in. Doyle had already escaped prison once, he could easily do so again. I was not taking any chances on Emily's safety. If I have anything to do with it, Ian Doyle will die.

We were going to give him 48 hours, and if he still hadn't left the plan was to go in during the night. The profile said that Doyle wouldn't hurt Emily, wouldn't hold her hostage, but we could never be sure. JJ and Reid would go get Lia, and then leave, while Morgan and I would go into the master bedroom. I didn't know what would happen then, there was no way to know. I just hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

After we finished discussing the plan, I ordered everyone to get some sleep. JJ told me to do the same, though we both knew that it wouldn't happen. I was too worked up. I wouldn't wait to see Emily again, to hear her voice, see her face. I had missed her so much. Thinking she was dead broke me, and now I had a chance to heal. I wouldn't give up that chance.

While the rest of the team was sleeping, I imagined what life would be like with Emily back. I would tell her how I feel, I knew now that time was precious, not to be wasted. If only I had said something, we could have had something, and maybe then she would have opened up and told me about Doyle. She might have let me keep her safe, let me protect her. Maybe not, but still.

We were kinda close but nowhere near what I wanted. What I want. Oh how I longed to just hold her in my arms. I thought back to the stories I had heard about her from Declan. She was so good with him, loving him as her own. I selfishly imagined her treating Jack like that. I wanted a family again. I wanted Emily Prentiss so much it hurt.

I would save her and bring her home and if she didn't want me I would give her time, and if she still didn't that would be alright, because just seeing her and hearing her voice would be enough. Her being alive, safe, and happy was enough.

When I finally succumbed to slumber, it wasn't as peaceful as I had hoped. I tossed and turned, dreaming of strange things. I didn't remember exactly what happened. At first the colors were vivid, I was talking to Emily. I don't know what she was saying but I didn't care. She was smiling.

Then Doyle came up behind her and hugged her, before starting to walk away. The colors faded slowly until it was nearly black and white. I could see Doyle taking Emily away, pulling her further and further from me. I ran as fast as I could after her, but I was sluggish and couldn't think, let along run quick enough. She was disappearing slowly but surely. I ran faster, pushing myself to the limit. I almost caught up to her when she looked at me.

"I love him. Let me go. I want to be happy with him".

"No! No!"

I screamed in anguish. She vanished like smoke into the dull grey surroundings. I looked around frantically but Emily was nowhere to be found. I had lost her.  
I woke up with a start and looked at the teams faces surrounding me.

"You okay Hotch"?

I nodded and told them to go back to sleep. We all had nightmares sometimes, so no one questioned it. It was then I realized that my nightmare, might be reality. I didn't know what to think about that.

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"Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask". - X-Files

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AN: Let me know what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

AN: So, I didnt update last night, for a reason. I only got 3 reviews. :( Oh and I'm sorry if Declan being cool with everything is unrealistic, I just don't want to spend a lot of time on him and his problems. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

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"Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". - Kahlil Gibran

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Hotch POV

The plane landed and we went to the local police station to check in. That went without a hitch, and soon we headed out to start waiting for the perfect time to ambush. JJ and I were in one car, and the rest of the team in another. JJ and I had the most vital jobs so we needed to get in first. JJ was going to get Lia and I was going to save Emily.

I knew it would have to me be, and I made sure it would work out that way. As much as I trusted and cared for the team, I didn't want to put job of saving Emily on them. I knew if something went wrong, god forbid, I would blame them unless it had been my job. It was my job to protect her, and I had failed her before. I wouldn't fail her again.

We had backup agents and local police officers waiting for our signal. It would only take them a few minutes to get to the house, and hopefully by then it would be empty. They would all take positions inside the house, and wait for Doyle to come back. JJ and I would probably not be in on this part, I knew once I saved Emily I wouldn't be willing to let her out of my sight for quite some time.

So there we sat, in a nondescript car a few houses down for Doyle's. From there we could see the driveway, and would know if and when Doyle left. Garcia had come with, and was attempting to hack into the wifi at their house to see if she could find anything. When my satellite phone buzzed (ours didn't work well internationally) I was surprised. I honestly hadn't expected Garcia to find much of well, anything.

"Sir, umm...I found security cameras. They are wireless and transmit to a central computer, which isn't currently on. It doesn't show records of being used in years, so I don't think Doyle uses the system. Which is good. But we can! There is a laptop in the back of the car, turn it on and I'll get you the live feed".

"Thanks Garcia, that's very helpful".

I grabbed the laptop and tuned it on. Within a few minutes I could see the many rooms in the house, and hear them too. It would look suspicious if we were sitting in a car watching a computer screen so JJ watched the house while I moved to the backseat and focused on the video.

I flipped through the different views until I could see Emily. She was sitting in a rocking chair feeding little Lia. Emily just seemed so natural as a mother. I watched wistfully and wished it was my child. I noticed Doyle watching from the doorway for a second, before moving towards her.

"Hey love".

She smiled at him, what looked to be a genuine smile, but she must just be an excellent actress. He kissed her forehead, before kissing her nose, and then her lips. I wanted to be the one kissing her lips.

"I love you".

No! She was just acting. She didn't love him. I wanted her to love me! The next thought I had really surprised me. I wanted to be Doyle. Never before had I genuinely wanted to be in an unsubs position. But I sure did now.

A couple minutes later in was obvious Lia was done, as Emily started burping her. Doyle sat by her and they talked softly, about Lia's sleeping habits and missing Declan. She seemed so happy. I didn't like it. Not that I didn't want her to be happy. I did. I would put her happiness before mine. But, I didn't want her to be happy with him.

I watched the sickeningly domestic scene for a hour, before handing it to JJ and switching positions. I just couldn't handle it any longer. I was so jealous, so envious of him. I wanted Emily to be mine.

JJ and I talked softly about everything and nothing at all. I told her about Jack's new fascination with all things robotic, and she told me stories about Henry getting into to things. It was tense, we both cared for Emily, albeit in different ways, and wanted her to be safe. I just wanted this to be over.

We ate the dinner we had packed and still there was no sign of Doyle leaving. It had only been a few hours though. We were willing to wait 48 hours before reverting to the less desirable plan. Boredom was nothing compared to Emily's safety.

A few hours later when it was my turn to watch the house, JJ suddenly turned down the sound. I looked over To see her placing the laptop next to her and averting her eyes. I tiled my head, silently asking why she had done that. She just shook her head. I grabbed for the laptop, not hearing her warning in time.

"Hotch...".

He was on top of her. Kissing her. Touching her. It was obvious where it was going. I didn't know whether to be disturbed or jealous. I guess I felt a bit of both. He had no right to touch her like that. It wasn't fair. I wanted to be him. And well...that scared me.

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"It is not love that is blind, but jealousy". - Lawrence Durrell

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AN: Hope you like it and please review!


	17. Chapter 17

AN: So as always, thanks for all the reviews! This is the moment you have probably all been waiting for, Emily's rescue! I tried to do it justice, I think it ended up pretty good. I know that Hotch is more than a little bit obsessive, and I didn't mean to write him that way. It's just the way it's coming out. I swear this story writes itself. And sorry if the swearing upsets any of you. It is rated T. Also, for all the Lauren/Ian shippers out there who will be angry at this chapter, I am working on another chapter of "Becoming Lauren" and it should be up tonight or tomorrow. Enjoy!

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"When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity". - John F. Kennedy  


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Hotch POV

It had finally been 48 hours. 48 long hours. 48 hours of watching Emily kiss _him_. Touch _him_. Adore _him_. Love _him_. My eyes had felt glued to the screen. What I saw devastated me and overjoyed me at the same time. She was alive, but she was with _him_.

I couldn't wait to save her, I imagined our reunion. She would probably be ecstatic to be rescued. To see the team and I again. To see her family again. I never considered the fact that she might have a new family. One that felt closer to her than were ever were. On that she loved much, much more.

I was grasping at straws, trying to understand. Understand how everything about her behavior suggested that she actually loved him. Nothing about her behavior indicated any fear, nor hate. Not even a little tiny facial tick, or an obscure body language signal. I searched and searched, watched every movement of her lithe body. Nothing.

JJ tried to talk to me, and took the laptop whenever she could. She was worried at my almost obsessive behavior. But, she just didn't understand. She didn't feel for Emily the way I did. _Love_ her the way I did. She didn't have to feel the gut wrenching jealousy every time _he_ touched her. No, things were much easier for JJ.

Stockholm Syndrome was the name for feelings developed in situations like this, I had no doubt that Emily had Stockholm Syndrome. The problem was, the feelings, no matter the cause, were still very real. Very real, and very permanent. And, in Emily's case, apparently very strong. This worried me, but I refused to think about it longer. I would deal with it when I and to, not one second before.

JJ and I communicated with Morgan and the rest of the team over satellite phones. It was time for plan B. More than anything I had wanted for it not to come to this, but it had. I just hoped everything would go according to plan. If anyone screwed something up, and Emily was hurt, well there would be hell to pay. I furrowed my brows as we finally made the decision. We were going in, now.

We called for backup and as soon as they arrived, we prepared for the ambush. The timing was alright. Doyle was in the kitchen cooking and Emily was in her room reading some sort of baby book. Lia was asleep in her crib. If he had been in the room with her we would have waited. It would have been too easy for him to use her as a human shield.

Chaos surrounded us as the ambush began. We used the code Declan had given us to open the gate, and we drove in hastily. We all leaped out of the cars, taking off in a fast sprint. Everyone knew what was at stake, who's life was on the line. Everyone had missed her, mourned her loss. Not as much as I did, but that was to be expected. They didn't _love_ her the way I did.

Morgan kicked down the door, and we split up. JJ and I went to find Emily and Lia, while Morgan, Reid, and Rossi went to find Doyle. The local officers dispersed themselves, ready to help when needed.

I raced up the stairs, mentally going over the directions Declan had given me. Up both flights of stairs, take the first right. First door on the right was the master bedroom. The bedroom he shared with Emily. It was _evil_ in my mind, it was where _he_ touched her, claimed her as_ his_. He had no right to have her. It just wasn't right.

My feet pounded against the marble floor as I neared my destination. I was bursting with adrenaline, every step I took brought me closer and closer to Emily! My tunnel vision closed in on the door. Emily was behind that very door! I was going to see her again, face to face. I threw the door open to a shocked and, angry Emily?

"Hotch?"

Aaron, my mind corrected. I wanted her to call me Aaron. She called him _Ian_. She had _moaned_ that name the night before. When _he_ touched her they way I wished _I_ could touch her. But I didn't voice my thoughts, there would be time for the later. I simply walked over to her, and pulled her into a quick embrace, which she was reluctant to reciprocate. She pulled away quickly and seemed angry that I was there. I didn't understand why, I was going to save her!

"Hotch, what are you doing here? You need to leave. Now".

She must mean that _we_ needed to leave. She had to want to be saved, right?

"_We_ need to leave. That's why I'm here. We're here to save you, Emily".

"Lauren".

She seemed to say that automatically, as if she were correcting me.

"What?"

She shook her head, and seemed to change her train of thought.

"I...Hotch. Just, just go, leave me here. I want to stay here".

"No you don't. You don't know what you are talking about. Come with me, you'll come to your senses soon".

"No I won't. I love Ian, and I'm staying here with him".

"Damn it Emily! You are coming with me whether you like it or not. I _am _going to save you".

"You can't tell me what to do Hotch! I'm not going".

"Oh yes you are".

I gritted my teeth and scowled. I was so angry. So.. pissed off, as she would say. I grabbed onto her arm and started leading her to the doorway. That bastard had changed her. He had tricked her or done something to make her act like this. If I believed in magic potions I would say she was under the effects of one. She attempted to wrench her arm out of my grip.

"Let me go!"

I held on tighter, and gave her a look that showed my determination.

"I said, let me go!".

Still, I held on. If she kept this up I was going to have to carry her out of here.

"I said to _fucking_ let go of me right now! Ian! Ian!"

Just as I was about to pick her up bridal style, I was interrupted. Apparently the bastard had gotten away from the team as he chose that moment to burst in on us. When _he_ opened the door, my rage found a new target. A better target. A much more deserving target.

I wrapped my arm around Emily's waist tightly, not letting her run to _him_. I tried to put my body in front of hers, to protect her. She didn't like that. She was fighting so hard, trying so hard to return to _him_. She wanted to return to her captor, her rapist. It just wasn't okay!

"Let her go!".

He seemed more intent on protecting Emily than himself, he had a gun but the safety was still on. It wasn't even leveled at me. I didn't know what he was planning, maybe he hadn't planned anything. I knew this might be my only chance, so I lifted my arm. My fingers twitched on the trigger.

I looked the man who had stolen my Emily from me right in the eyes, and pulled the trigger once, twice, three times. Bang. Bang. Bang. Thud.

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"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Isaac Asimov

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AN: Hope you liked it, tell me what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

AN: OMG! 100 reviews! Thats awesome. Thanks so much you guys! Hope you like the chapter, I tried to tone down Hotch's obsessiveness. Please review!

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"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal". - From a headstone in Ireland

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Emily POV

No! No no no no no! No! I twisted and twined in Hotch's grip, struggling madly to get free. I finally managed to shove him off me and ran towards Ian, who was lying on his back on the ground. He was coated in blood.

My hands went to his chest, trying desperately to stop the bleeding. My hands were soon covered in red blood. His blood. He couldn't die! No, not now. I loved him, we had a family.

I looked into his eyes, and I knew then that he didn't have long. Tears ran out of my eyes like a river. I was sobbing and felt like i couldn't breathe. Ian couldn't die. I loved Ian. I loved Ian so much it hurt. This hurt. He couldn't leave me! I loved him!

"I love you! Don't...No! No!"

I cried out in anguish as I saw the life leave his eyes. He was gone. I would never speak to him again, never feel his gentle touch, never see the way his eyes lit up when he looked at me or Lia.

Amelia Joy Doyle. His daughter. Lia would grow up without a father. She wouldn't remember him. She would never really know how much he had loved her. And poor Declan, to lose his father for the second time!

This couldn't be happening. But it was.

I fell to the ground, collapsing next to his body. I didn't have the strength to hold myself up, let along move. The grief coursed through my veins, taking over until it was the only thing I felt.

Later I would find out Hotch had carried me out of there and brought me to the jet. I would be furious at him. But in that moment the agony of losing Ian was everything. It consumed me.

Lia's cry on the jet home was what brought me back to reality. I had just been curled up in a ball sobbing before that. As soon as I heard her scream, I managed to channel my focus to something else.

Lia was his daughter. He was a part of her. JJ was holding her, trying in vain to soothe her. I looked up and pleaded with my eyes for her to bring Lia to me. JJ seemed to understand my silent plea, and placed Lia in my arms. I looked down at Lia and I knew that eventually, things would be alright.

As much as it hurt to see an exact replica of Ian's eyes in Lia, it was a good hurt. I knew I would always be reminded of him, that at least that part of him would never fade from my memory. It would all be okay, eventually.

Hotch POV

I let my arm drop down to my side, satisfied I had done what promised myself I would. He would never hurt Emily again.

She was still thrashing about, and finally managed to get free of my hold. I knew she would react violently if I tried to restrain her again, so I stayed back, watching as she knelt over him. I knew and accepted that she would grieve for him. I didn't like seeing her this sad, in this much pain, but I knew I was the last person she would ever accept comfort from right now.

"I love you! Don't...No! No!"

The thought of her loving him didn't affect me nearly as much as it previously did. My temper calmed down now that he was dead. He was the past, not the present nor the future. I knew Emily well enough to know that she wouldn't ignore that. She would grieve, and inevitable hate me for a while, but she wouldn't hang onto him forever.

I wiped a tear from my check as I watched her collapse. I wasn't crying for his death, no, I relished in it. I was crying for the pain that I was putting Emily, the woman I loved, in. I just hoped she would understand someday.

I let her cry for a minute or two, and then decided we needed to leave. I picked her up, expecting no resistance and getting none. She was almost comatose as I carried her to the car, and buckled her into the seat, which reminded me of doing that to a sleeping Jack. We went straight to the jet, our team had orders to come straight home for debriefing. The locals would take care of the rest, and ship Emily, Lia, and Declan's stuff to the FBI.

I placed her on one of the couches, and stood by her side for a little while. It killed me that I wouldn't be able to do anything to comfort her. At least not for awhile. She would blame me for this, rightfully so, but I knew that any team member would have had no trouble doing the exact same thing if they were in my position.

I was relieved when she finally, woke up I guess. I smiled softly when I saw her with Lia. In that moment, I knew that she would be okay eventually

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"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose". - From the television show The Wonder Years

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AN: Hope you liked it! Let me know.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: I actually really liked this chapter, and I hope you do too. I'd like to explain my perspective on a few things, and it would help understand the direction of this story if you read it.  
Ian Doyle is a sociopathic terrorist.** Ian is a bad guy**, no matter how nice he was to Emily. The only reason he didn't kill her was his delusion.

** Hotch is a good guy**, no matter how obsessive he was about Emily. Remember Foyet? He beat him to death with his own fists. I'm just being realistic. Seeing Ian Doyle with Emily, who he loves, just drove him a little crazy for awhile, he's not like that anymore. Doyle's death calmed him down. So he will be more normal Hotch now.

Hotch loves Emily and didn't try to hurt her, he just wants her to be safe and happy. Ian was not safe, he could have snapped and killed her at any time.

Emily has Stockholm Syndrome, but that doesn't make her feelings any less real. She did love him, but only because of Stockholm Syndrome. She will accept it, and forgive the team (and Hotch) eventually. There will be a H/P pairing, but not for awhile yet.

I hoped that cleared things up a bit.

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"Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge". - Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

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Emily POV

I held Lia in my arms until she fell asleep, and then placed her in a crib type thing the team had thankfully thought to bring with. She was so peaceful. She didn't understand what was going on. I guess ignorance is bliss. Well, in her case, innocence. I went back to my earlier spot of the couch. No one had really tried to approach me yet, but I guessed that Garcia wouldn't be able to hold a hug back much longer. They were watching me, profiling me, and I didn't like it one bit.

The sad but kinda peaceful feeling that I had when I held Lia dissipated without her in my arms. Anger replaced it. It was their fault. It was Hotch's fault. The team slowly approached me, sitting down in the seats near me.

"Emily..." Morgans voice was filled with hesitation, and caution.

"Are...you okay?"

The damn broke then. No, I was not okay! I told them all this.

"No! Fuck no I am not okay. You guys burst in and ruined everything. Did you care, that I was happy? No. Did you care that I had a family? No. You didn't think, and you didn't care. All of you. You couldn't see past your stupid assumptions to see what kind of life I had. I loved my life. I loved Ian Doyle. We had a family, him, Declan, Lia and I. See this?".

She held out her left hand to show a engagement ring adorning her finger.

"We were engaged. He was my fiancée. Lia is his daughter. You ruined everything".

"Emily, it's our job. Ian Doyle was a terrorist, and a sociopath. He kidnapped you".

"I don't care, Derek! I know you guys must have seen security footage, or had some sort of way to come in guns blazing at the right time. I know you saw how happy, elated I was with everything".

"Emily, loving someone doesn't make him innocent. He was still the same man, just under a sociopathic delusion. The was the only reason he didn't kill you. Also, you're smart enough to figure out you have Stockholm Syndrome, it's just a matter of whether you'll accept that or not".

"I know who he was, Rossi! I loved him anyways. Maybe because of Stockholm. Maybe not. But even if that was the reason, my feelings are still real. I loved him, no matter the cause".

"What did you want us to do, Em?"

I looked at JJ's confused face, and then the rest of the team's. Didn't they understand that I had no idea?

"I...I don't know".

And with that I burst out crying again. Penelope couldn't take it any longer, and pulled him into a hug. I cried on her shoulder, I just didn't know what to feel. What to think. I let JJ hug me too, as soon as Penelope decided she could let go of me. Reid came over hesitantly, I looked as his young face, and could tell that he was more confused than I was about all this. He got a hug, and Derek did too.

As much as I hated this situation, as mad as I was at them. I had missed them, a lot. They were my family too.

Hotch. Hotch seemed to feel that I was not ready to hug him, to forgive just a little bit as I did with the rest of the team. He was right. He could tell how strong my anger towards him was, just by the way I looked at him. He had always been good at reading me, telling what I was feeling. Sometimes better than I could.

We had been close, back then. But now, now he had done something I didn't think could ever be made up for. My blood boiled with anger, and I got up and walked over towards him.

"You".

He could sense the wave of fury coming towards him, and he braced himself.

"You killed him. Right in front of me. Damn it Hotch, I had to watch him die, because of you".

"Em...I'm so..".

I interrupted him, I wasn't done yet, not even close.

"You could have arrested him, or shot him somewhere else if you really needed to get your anger at him out. But you killed him in cold blood, and whether you tried to or not, you made me watch".

"Emily. Listen to me. I didn't do it to hurt you. I did it to protect you. I promised myself that he would die for hurting you. No matter how he treated you there, we saw the blood in the warehouse, the branding machine. We know what he did. For that, I killed him. I would never do anything to hurt you. Never".

I just walked away then, having nothing more to say to him. I went to the back to the jet, away from everyone else, and luckily they understood I needed some space. I needed to think.

I picked at my fingernails as I tried to sort out how I felt. I was sad. So sad. The man I loved was dead, for goodness sakes! I was angry, not at the team for finding me, they couldn't have known how happy I was. The rational part of me knew that they would assume I was just acting, that Ian was hurting me. I guess I didn't blame them for taking me away either. It was their job, and I knew what Ian was. I had loved him, but that didn't mean I was oblivious. I loved him anyways, in spite of everything. I would forgive the team eventually.

I was mad at Hotch for killing him, he could have arrested him, sent him to prison. Or, he could have just not killed him in front of me! I was so close to Ian when it happened, I could have saved him. I had to watch, helpless, as Hotch killed him. Murdered him. Aaron Hotchner killed the man I loved, and for that, I don't think I could ever forgive him.

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"Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule". - Lewis B. Smedes

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AN: Tell me what you think!


	20. Chapter 20

AN: So...I'm well aware this chapter sucks. I'm having a really really good day, and that doesn't work out well with sadness :) Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate it! If theres anything you would like to see, like certain characters interacting, just tell me and I'll consider it. Enjoy

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"There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in". - Graham Greene

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Emily POV

We landed and I all but jumped off the plane, ready to be away from the sympathetic glances and studying looks. I was tired of being studied, I just wanted to be alone. Well not alone. I wanted to be with Lia and Declan, start trying to deal with the grief.

I wondered when I could see him. I knew they had Declan in protective custody, but I never imagined he would be there waiting for me. I saw him and my mood lit up. I silently thanked whoever had arranged this, probably JJ. I had missed him so much!

He ran towards me, excited to see me. I wasn't looking forward to telling him of his father's death. I was afraid I would break down again. I could feel I was on the edge, yet again.

"Mom!"

Hearing him call me that never failed to make my day. I didn't care that he wasn't mine biologically, love was more important than blood. I of all people should know that.

"I missed you Dec, so much".

I hugged him tight, feeling the comfort of having my child's arms around me. I had really missed him. I was so sad about what I had to do next. I thought about waiting, but I decided he would not like it If I held back things. I didn't know how to do it, but I knew the result would be the same, no matter what.

This conversation was going to end in tears, both mine and his. I decided to just up and tell him.

"Dec, honey. I have to tell you something. You father...ahh. He's gone, Dec".

"But, he said he'd never leave me again. It's not fair. He promised!"

"Oh, honey. He didn't leave. He's dead".

"No! No! It can't be true. Mom!"

"I'm sorry Dec".

"But..."

He flew into my chest, fisting my shirt in his hands. I was glad the team had brought clothes for me to change into, my old clothes were bloodstained. I coddled him, hugging him tight and whispering that it would be okay. He seemed to calm down a bit after a little while, and I relaxed. I hadn't really dealt with this before, and was glad he was letting me comfort him.

My shirt was completely soaked by that point, but I didn't care. My own face was wet with tears yet again.

All of a sudden, he seemed...scared.

"Are you gonna send me away? I wanna stay with you!"

I was hurt a little that he would even think that, but I understood. That's what had happened last time, after all. I reassured him as best I could.

"Oh Dec, honey. You're not going anywhere, don't worry. I love you".

He seemed relived, but then the grief took over once again. He started crying again and I did the beat I could to help him. It was going to be a long road.

Hotch POV

When we landed in D.C. we went straight to the BAU, where Declan was waiting. I watched the reunion with sad eyes, guilt digging a hole in my chest. No, I still didn't feel bad about Doyle. But I was responsible for taking away a child's father. More than one child.

I watched as Declan caught sight of Emily, and ran into her waiting arms.

"Mom!"

She smiled and held him tight, mumbling into his unruly blond curls.

"I missed you Dec, so much".

She didn't stand up once he let go of her, she stayed down on his level, and her expression became somber. She talked in a low voice so I couldn't hear, but just from her and Declan's face I could guess the course of the conversation. Declan's face went from elated and excited, then crumpled into sadness. He shook his head a few times, as tears started to well in his eyes.

Then suddenly he launched himself at Emily, sobbing. His fists grabbed onto her shirt and refused to let go as he cried into her shoulder. She managed to calm him down a bit and he seemed to settle. All of the sudden he looked frightened. I couldn't understand why, he wasn't in any danger anymore.

"Are you gonna send me away again? I wanna stay with you!"

"Oh Dec, honey. You're not going anywhere, don't worry. I love you".

He smiled slightly and then burst into tears yet again. I felt bad for the boy, and Emily. I knew how it felt to deal with a child losing a parent. I just never thought I would be the cause of such pain.

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"Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing". - Ralph Waldo Emerson


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Yes, I know. It's been a week since I updated, and before that I updated everyday. Well, it was finals week for school, I had lots of boy drama, and I'm moving and we sold my house! So the last week was pretty much crazy. I will try to start updating often again, but no guarantees it will be every day like it used to be.

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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."- Lao Tzu

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Hotch POV

Garcia offered to let Emily stay with her for awhile, and she agreed, so Emily took Declan and Lia to Garcia's place. Most of the rest of the team went home to unwind from the stressful day. To think of the victory, and the consequences.

I didn't want to go home, so I found myself sitting in my office with a cup of coffee until the the dead of night, just thinking. I wanted to help Emily heal, help her through her grief. I wondered if she would ever let me help her. Ever let me be close to her again.

Before she was taken from us, we were very close. Sometimes we would spend time together outside of work, with Jack, or even just grab coffee or lunch together. We were friends before I ever developed any forbidden non platonic feelings for her.

I missed that. I so hoped someday, she would let me in again. I would take Emily anyway I could get her. Just being her friend would be hundreds of times better than nothing. When I thought about it, I doubted I would ever be able to be with her like I wanted.

I knew she had Stockholm Syndrome, and even if she well, got over it, I doubted she would totally forgive or trust me again. Maybe. It all depended on whether her feelings for Doyle, her Stockholm Syndrome, went away or not. I hoped it would, but knew it would take time.

We hadn't dealt with Stockholm too many times, but I remembered one case well. It was when a family was kidnapping little girls and killing their families. The little girls went on the marry the little boys in the families, and have little boys of their own, who in turn kidnapped more girls. It was a family ritual, a tradition.

It reminded me of how strong Stockholm Syndrome could really be. I mean, these girls fell in love with their kidnappers, and then taught their children to recreate their own fate. It had been a vicious cycle, one we had not succeeded in breaking.

At first, we had no idea what the case would be like, we had it all wrong. I remembered how sympathetic Emily had been, how good she had been with the little girl, Kate.

Emily and I had played good cop bad cop, with me as the bad cop. Kathy Grey had been abducted in the 1970's and when she caught her she was helping her son kidnap the next girl. I shouted and intimidated her with my dark gaze while Emily played the soothing, understanding woman. She said how it wasn't Kathy's fault, that how she had coped was natural.

I remember being able to tell Emily wasn't lying. We had chased our roles based not only on gender and well, size, but on personal belief. I had no sympathy for Kathy Grey at that point, but Emily did. When Emily had agreed to let Kathy see her son, I was wary, but she convinced me.

"Hotch, no matter who his father was, he was her son. She just wants to see her baby boy again. Give her a break, she was kidnapped as a kid. He is all she has".

When Kathy told her son not to say anything about his brothers, I was furious! The boy might have given them up if it wasn't for Kathy. If it wasn't for Emily.

"Prentiss, I want to talk to you".

"Yes, sir?"

"I trusted your judgment on Kathy, I believed you. Next time before you make risky promises you should think things through. You let the case, the boy, cloud your judgment".

"Hotch! The woman gave no indication that she was going to do that. Give me a break! Give her her a break! Seriously, she has Stockholm Syndrome. It sucks, but it's not her fault. It's a perfectly natural coping mechanism that is pretty much unavoidable".

"No, it's not. She didn't have to help kidnap a girl, she didn't have to help her son murder someone. She didn't have to fall in love with her kidnapper. It's definitely her fault. And see, you defending her, that's my point. You're too involved in this case".

"Hotch! Come on!"

"Prentiss..."

My tone was a warning one and she got the message, spitting out "Sir" like a curse word before exiting the room.

In my head I had blamed Kathy for developing Stockholm Syndrome. Now when I think back on how I confronted Emily after the interrogation, I felt bad. I understood now. I was just glad Emily hadn't been taken as an impressionable child, and was only held for a little longer than a year. That was still long enough for Emily to fall for him though.

I think that's when I came to an important realization. One that would help me help Emily. Before, I had blamed her in the back of my head. She could have just not failed in love with him! But now, I realized that it wasn't Kathy's fault on that old case. And it wasn't Emily's fault now.

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"We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin." - André Berthiaum

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AN: Thanks for reading! Hope you like it! Please review!


	22. Chapter 22

AN: I really liked this chapter, I hope you do too. I was in a pretty angsty mood, so it worked out well! Please review!

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"Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever". - Author Unknown

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Emily POV

Garcia offered to let us stay with her for awhile, and I agreed. It's not like I had any place to go. My mother had kept paying the rent on my apartment until the memorial. They had accepted then that I was probably long dead, thus there was no reason to keep my apartment. I was told that most of my things were moved to a storage container, as my mother had been too busy to deal with anything of that sort.

I had decided to look for a house, as I had two children to look after now and needed more space than i had previously. I arranged to meet with a Realtor in a few days. Planning and reorganizing my life was a good distraction for the grief that consumed me every free moment. I was also eager to collect my things from the storage unit, so Penelope offered to take me there the next day, saying that now I just needed rest.

I agreed, and we all crashed shortly after we got settled in. Lia woke up a few times during the night as usual, but otherwise, everything seemed alright, for the night.

The next morning we headed out to the storage unit, just to pick up a few things. When I got a new place I would move all my furniture and such, but there were a few personal effects I wanted. When the employee unlocked and pulled open the door, it was like stepping back into my old life.

I walked around slowly at first, running my hands over the leather couches, and well worn books. The distinct smell of everything made me feel at home again. I smiled when I reached the photos that were previously on displayed on my mantle; the team, JJ and Penelope and I, Matthew and I as children, and Hotch and I in a park with Jack.

Those were happier times, though there were many things in my life now that I wouldn't give up for anything. Namely, Lia and Declan. I loved my children more than anything.

Garcia helped me grab the few things I wanted, and then we left, leaving behind my past. I would come back, and eventually take it all with me, but nothing would ever be the same. The rest of the team was in charge of getting my papers back in order, aka making me not dead. Also, they worked on obtaining citizenship for Lia and Declan, and appointing me guardian of the latter. I had asked JJ if she would work out the memorial stuff. I wasn't dead, so they couldn't just let my headstone stay there.

That also meant digging up the coffin, and the contents inside. envelope had described to me what the memorial was like, she was right, I wouldn't have liked it. I was instantly curious about the goodbyes from everyone. What did my mother have to say when she thought I had died, did she regret neglecting me all those years? What did the team really think of me? How did each of them say goodbye?

I felt funny asking to see the contents, I really was never meant to see them. But JJ and Garcia assured me it was alright, especially because they knew it would help me forgive. Forgive, but not forget.

A few days later I had met with my mother, and the Realtor. The meeting with my mother had been more emotional than I had expected, she had hugged me, which was a feeling I didn't remember well, that was how long it had been. She had of course been disapproving, and thought of how everyone would perceive her now that her daughter had "slept with a terrorist, for gods sake!"

I didn't bother to explain that I had loved him, she would have completely rejected the idea. I just ended the meeting as soon as possible. One good thing did come out of it, she decided she would help me get on my feet again, basically funnel money into my account instead of actually caring about me. I didn't like to accept aid from my mother, I never had, but I had no choice. Now, it was about my children, not my pride. The Realtor found a few houses I liked, and we set a time to go see them in a few days.

Later that evening, JJ called. She said I could go pick up the goodbyes and other things that were in my coffin from the funeral home. I was apprehensive, but knew it was something I needed to so. JJ and Penelope watched the kids while I went to pick the things up. I wanted to be alone when I read them, I knew I would break down and didn't want any comfort, from anyone.

I drove for awhile before parking by a deserted playground. I ended up sitting on a swing, the bag of goodbyes in front of me. I closed my eyes, reached in, and grabbed the first one I touched. It was from Reid.

Emily,  
I don't really know what to say. If you were here you'd tell me something about me thinking too hard and getting stuck like that. But, you're not here, and that's why I'm writing this. I never told you! I never let you know how much you meant to me. You were always so nice to me, even when I didn't deserve it. To me you're like the big sister I never had. You're irreplaceable. I don't want to say goodbye, but I have too. I didn't want to give up, you're family, and we don't give up on family. But, it's time.  
I love you. Goodbye.

Tears trickled down my cheeks, leaving shiny tracks in their wake. Oh, Reid. I knew I had to keep going, I wouldn't get through them otherwise. My mother left me a picture of her and me when I was an infant, and in that snapshot, it looked like she cared. Maybe she had back then. On the backside of the picture, it said: I'm so sorry, goodbye.

Penelope's was exactly as I had expected, heartfelt and caring, with many blurred words where hear stray tears had landed. I had a few from my friends, but they were never very close to me. I smiled at the fond memories they detailed anyways. Derek's was about as sentimental as I had seen from him, but was laced with anger, and was full of promises for vengeance. JJ had put together a scrapbook with pictures of us, and the team, with a note that said words didn't do me justice.

The last one in the bag was last on purpose. I dreaded reading what Hotch had to say. The picture that Jack drew made me smile, and when I read "I love you Miss Emily" in his little boy handwriting, I was hit with a wave of grief. The poor child had endured so much loss in a very short time.

I then started to read Hotch's goodbye.

Emily,  
I don't know where to start. You are amazing, and beautiful, and one of the strongest people I know. I can't believe you're gone. There's so many things I should have said, so many missed opportunities. I should have told you that I loved you. That I love you. That I'm in love with you. I don't know how it started, or when I realized it. I only know that it's irrevocable. Every time I saw you with Jack, I loved you a little bit more. Maybe if I would have said something, you would have come to me. I would have helped you Emily, protected you. I should have said something, but I didn't. It's my fault.  
I'm sorry. I will always love you.

What? He can't love me. No. He...no!

I stormed back into my car, and checked the time on the dashboard. He would still be at the office. I drove recklessly, getting there in record time. The security guys recognized me and let me in, so I headed up to Hotch's office. I slammed the door shut once I entered the room and he stood up in surprise, walking over to me once he realized who it was.

"Emily".

"No, Hotch. Just listen. I had feelings for you, once. Damn strong ones too. I wouldn't call it love. But it could have been. But you, you had to act like your perfect, emotionless, badass FBI self, and you made me feel like you didn't feel a thing. And the whole time you loved me? I don't understand. Yes, we were friends, and a hell of a lot closer than you were with everyone else. But you never showed any inclination that you liked me that way! Do you know how hard it was, not to comfort you when a case hit hard? How much I wanted to kiss you every damn time you actually smiled? But you lost your chance. I moved on, with Ian, and then you killed him. How is it that you ruin all my chances at happiness? I hate you".

He walked closer to me once I stopped yelling and started bawling. He pulled me to his chest, and I tried to resist. I hit his chest over and over and over again, telling him I hated him.

I yelled and pounded my fists until I had no energy left, and then slumped into the warmth of his chest, letting my tears soak the front of his dress shirt. He held me for awhile, and for some reason, I felt a little better.

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"You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry". - Author Unknown

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AN: Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

AN: I know updates have been rather few and far between, but I'm doing my best. I'm moving and have a really hard quarter in school! Also, **let me know if you think this is going too fast**. I had a hard time making her stay mad, so I just gave up and it flowed much better after that.

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"This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question". - Orson Scott Card

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Emily POV

Once I came to my senses I wrenched myself out of Hotch's embrace, leaving the comfort that I so desperately needed, but refused to succumb to for long. I made my self walk away. I reminded myself that I hated Hotch, he had killed Ian!

Just as I swung the door open again, Hotch latched onto my hand. I turned to look at him, wondering what he wanted.

"Emily, wait! Please...".

He looked more emotional than usual. When I paid attention I could see the tears welling in his eyes, and pain evident on his features.

"I'm so sorry".

We stood there for awhile just staring into each others eyes, crying silently. We cried for what happened, but also what could have been. What was not destined to be. I finally tore myself from his piercing gaze, and left silently.

I went back to Penelope's, where her and JJ were watching the kids. My kids. As soon as the opened the door, I hugged them both, close to bursting out into tears yet again. They seemed to understand, and hugged me back just as tightly.

"It'll all be okay, Em".

I smiled a bit at Penelope's constant optimism, it was one of the many things I loved about her. I don't know how I survived that long without them. Without the team. How had I lived without missing everything about them, all of them?

How had I not missed Penelope's sunny disposition, and her constant enthusiasm? Why hadn't I thought of her when I was feeling down? Who had made me smile, when there was nothing to smile about? She was one of a kind.

JJ too. I could count the number of times I thought of JJ during my, well, kidnapping, on one hand. She was my best friend, my confident. Who had I told my secrets too? I had always thought once I settled down and had kids, JJ would have helped me. She was always the one I imagined going to whenever my husband was being insensitive. But, I hadn't. I hadn't thought about JJ.

Rossi had always been there to talk to if I needed it, or to whisper advice in my ear, even when I thought I didn't need it. He was good at helping me when my pride prevented me from wanting or accepting help from anyone else.

I always went to Reid when I wanted to know something, he seemed to know everything about everything. Instead of fretting about disabilities and nutrition during my pregnancy, I could have asked Reid, and he would have given me some sort of statistic that might or might not have made me feel better. Why didn't I miss Reid and Rossi?

I had always felt safe around Derek. It wasn't a physical thing, more psychological. He was so fiercely protective of everyone he cared about. He was also one of my best friends. I remembered when JJ had Henry, I had imagined what it would have been like if it were me in that situation. My baby Derek had been holding. At that point, I had wanted children more than anything. Why hadn't I thought of the team when I had given birth of to Lia?

And Hotch. Or Aaron, as I used to call him off the job. We had been really close, I used to spend a lot of time with him, and sometimes even Jack. I had definitely had feelings for him, that stubbornly refused to be buried. If I hadn't been so ashamed and in denial, I would have called it love. That's why I hadn't had many dates. I was too hung up on him, and it was obvious to any guy I went out with.

When had my feelings for him gone away? Had they gone away? I considered this for a while, eventually deciding that they had faded a bit, but what had happened was they had been smothered by my feelings for Ian. They had been shoved down in a dark corner of my mind, where they stayed until that very moment.

When I thought about then, things were different. My mind allowed me to see him in the same light I had previously. When I had respected him, cared, for him, lusted endlessly over him. All that came back, and at the same time, I could feel my feelings for Ian changing too.

Why had I fallen so quickly for Ian? Now that I thought back, there was nothing extremely remarkable about him. There was the whole terrorist thing too! He treated me well, but besides that, I can't really think of the appeal. I had loved him thought. I had been infatuated, obsessed. His every move had intrigued me, every touch had sparked a passion I could no longer understand.

I understood something else though, something important. Back with Ian, I remember thinking that my love for him had defeated my fear of him. I realized now that it was opposite. My fear of Ian had defeated my love for Hotch, buried my feelings for him, and it created a mindset that allowed me to survive. Emily loved Hotch, and Lauren was just a coping mechanism. I smiled as I realized that once again I was completely Emily, and Lauren was gone for good.

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"Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies". - Swedish Proverb

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AN: Hoped you liked it! Please review!


	24. Chapter 24

AN: So, this is chapter 1 of 2 I will be posting right now. This is the second to last chapter guys, so yes, I finished it. I didn't really realize it was ending, but I've always said this story writes itself, and I stick to that philosophy. I hope you like this chapter. Also, I'd like to say, congrats A.J. Cook! For those who don't know yet, she is OFFICIALLY COMING BACK TO CRIMINAL MINDS! She recently signed a new 2 year contract, so YAY! Hope you like this chapter. Also, even though I am posting 2 chapters today I would appreciate it if you would review both individually. Thanks

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"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares". - Henri Nouwen

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Emily POV

I was quiet for the next few days, contemplating my current situation, and my future. I tried to balance my feelings with practicality, and my selfish desires with what was best for my children. But the problem was, I didn't know. Didn't know what I felt, what I should have felt. I didn't know what was best for me, or my children. All I knew was that I loved my children. And I loved Hotch.

We spent a lot of time with the team, and every time I saw him I felt a pang of longing. It was as if all the emotion from loving him and missing him while I had been kidnapped had been bottled up, and was being released. I didn't act on my feelings or sudden desires, I kept my hands and thought to myself. I wanted to tell him I loved him, tell him I needed him. But, I had to make sure it was the right thing to do, that I wasn't just setting myself up to be hurt again.

Also, I was technically still part of the BAU team, which would complicate things. I knew I needed to resign, not only because of Hotch, but because I needed to be there for my children. Every time my mother went off on her trips and left me with a nanny, I would make myself promise that when I grew up and had children, I would be there for them. I would not be like my mother.

A week after my realization I finally mustered up the courage to take charge or my future, to do the things I knew I needed to do. So, I went to the BAU, more specifically, to Strauss' office. I knocked on the door firmly, no doubt interrupting whatever she was doing. I didn't care though.

"Come in".

I walked through the door and saw her expression morph into one of confusion.

"Agent Prentiss. I wasn't expecting to see you for awhile. I'll save you the trouble, you may come back to work as soon as the psychologist deems you fit for the field".

"Actually, I came here to give you my letter of resignation. I won't be returning to the team".

"May I ask why?"

"Frankly, it's none of your business. Everything you need to know is in the letter".

And with that, I left. It was a strangely free feeling, no longer being under Strauss' watchful gaze. I knew I would have to find another job, and was considering being a translator. I certainly knew enough languages, and it would most likely be steady hours with little to no travel. I was going to wait awhile until Lia was older, I didn't want to miss a second of her growing up. I had enough money to support my family for awhile, especially with my mother's assistance.

I walked into the bullpen, where everyone was milling about. I hadn't told them what I was going to do, I wanted it to be entirely my decision, with no outside influences. Everyone was crowded around Reid's desk, save for Hotch. Reid seemed to be doing some sort of physics magic again. I walked closer and watched as everyone's face turned to awe. I couldn't see what Reid was doing, but from the look on their faces I could tell it was good. They didn't seem to notice me, so I spoke to clue them in about my presence.

"I'm glad to see some things never change".

The tone of my voice sounded strange to me, usually I revealed nothing about my feelings unless I intended too. Today, it just came out. I even sounded happy.

"Emily! What are you doing here?"

JJ beamed at me after her statement, as did the rest of the team. I think they were assuming the same thing as Strauss, that I was rejoining the team.

"I actually just game Strauss my letter of resignation. I'm leaving the BAU. I have kids now, and responsibilities... I want to do this right".

They were saddened by my announcement, but seemed to understand and accept my reasoning as they didn't try to change my mind.

"I understand, Em. And it's not like we won't see you anymore, it's gonna take more than a career change to break up our little family". I felt tears prickling in my eyes yet again. I silently berated myself for being such a mess, but I didn't really mind. I hugged JJ tightly, followed by the rest of the team. We made plans to see each other, to have weekly get togethers whenever they werent off who knows where on a case. I guess now that they had me back they were unwilling to give me up again.

We talked for a bit, and I told them about my plans for a new job. They were extremely supportive, like they always had been. JJ said she had some contacts with the state department and she said she'd talk to them. We laughed and gossiped, talking about things as trivial as the redhead from counterterrorism dating the blonde from missing persons. It felt like old times, and I knew I was going to miss the job miss them. I knew I would still see them though, they were family. I was so grateful to have people like them in my life.

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"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to". - Dodie Smith

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AN: Thanks for reading, enjoy!


	25. Chapter 25

AN: I really can't believe this is the last chapter, its crazy. 1 month and 1 day ago, Emily left Criminal Minds, and one month ago a started this story.

One month, 25 chapters, 30,000 words, countless hours, 162 reviews, 26 favorites, and 67 story alerts later, it's done.

I have to say it was really difficult, but extremely fun to write. I dealt with some pretty difficult and controversial topics, and I have to admit my feelings on Stockholm Syndrome changed with every chapter. I had no idea where this was going to end, or how. I just wrote.

I'd like to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, or alerted this story. It means alot to me, and helped me get this done. I had alot of fun, and hope you guys enjoyed reading it.

I might have another story up soon, it depends on when I get a new idea. So keep an eye out. Again, thanks so much!

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"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire". - François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

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Emily POV

My heart ran a marathon as I prepared to leap over the final hurdle. I told the team I was going to talk to Hotch, and they gave me sympathetic looks and warning smiles. Penelope even came over and whispered that if he upset me again she would kick his ass. I chuckled at her apparent protectiveness, but told her things were okay now. She seemed confused, I knew they thought we were going to fight again. We had been doing nothing but fight lately, besides that one sole moment of comfort. But unless Penelope had been security camera snooping again, the team didn't know about that. If they only knew what I was about to tell him.

I knocked on the door of his office nervously, and I shuddered in anticipation as I heard his low "come in". My hand shook as I turned the knob slowly, feeling it slip in my slightly sweaty grasp, and walked shyly into the room. I couldn't chicken out now. No.

I looked him in the eye and saw the way he was looking at me. It was tender and intense all at the same time. He seemed to notice something in my eyes too, and hastily walked over to me.

"Emily..."

His voice was throaty and seemed full of hope. I decided to just come out with the bad news, which gave me time to attempt to figure out how to confess what I was feeling.

"I'm leaving the BAU, Hotch. I resigned".

"What? Why?"

He seemed really upset, I knew it was because he was reluctant to let me out of his sight when he could help it. Every time I had come into the office or gotten together with the team, he watched over me like a hawk. He acted like he was just waiting for someone to swoop in and try to steal me again.

"I want to spend time with Declan and Lia, be a good mother. They don't have anyone else. And..."

I bit my lip, and looked down at the carpet. I could feel the blood rising to my cheeks. Then I felt the rough pads of his fingers on my chin, gently pulling it up until I was looking at him.

"And what, Emily?"

His voice was soft, and understanding. He knew. That's when my control snapped. My arms flew around his body as I pulled myself closer to him. He held me just as tightly, and I tried to mumble an explanation into his chest. It didn't really work out very well, but that was okay.

"I...messed up...Doyle...Stockholm...not fair...chances...missed you...realized...".

My mumbling was incoherent, even to myself. I finally pulled back and looked up at him through my wet lashes.

"I love you".

I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, but my heart and lips apparently had other ideas. He froze for a second, before breaking out into the biggest smile I had ever seem him sport, complete with those dimples I adored so much.

"You love me?"

I started blushing again as I answered him.

"Ya, I know I totally screwed things up, and I slept with Doyle, and I get that you probably don't feel the same way but I just wanted to tell you because frankly I just can't keep it to myself anymore and...".

"Emily?"

"Ya?"

"Just shut up".

"What?".

He chuckled a little before his lips descended on mine. It was glorious, and meant more than any kiss ever had. I felt complete, whole. It was like coming home. He pulled my body closer to his until there was no space left between us. He ran his tongue over my lower lip and just like that things got even better. I felt so close to him.

I was finally with him the way I had always wanted to be. The past didn't matter, what mattered was me and him, together. In that moment, all was right in the world. When we finally parted for air, he tucked me into his chest, resting his head on top of mine. I don't know how long we stood there, wrapped up in each others embrace, but it didn't matter. I felt like I was finally where I belonged. He stepped back and looked me in the eye once again.

"I love you too".

5 Years Later

Thinking back on the events surrounding Ian Doyle, I don't regret it. I don't wish it never happened. To many this seems strange, but to me, it makes perfect sense.

Yes, there are some reminders that will always be with me, some painful, like the clover branded into my chest. Others I wouldn't give up for anything, like Lia. The whole thing was scary and traumatic, and overall bad. But it happened.

All I know is that I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I would have ended up with the love of my life anyways, maybe not. I wouldn't change my life for anything.

My life's crazy now, with all four of my children. Yes, four. 18 year old Declan, 11 year old Jack, 6 year old Lia, and 4 year old "Izzy". We named her Isabella, with the intention of calling her Bella, but it just didn't seem to fit.

Our children may not be all biologically ours, but then again, our family isn't blood related either. Family isn't about blood, or appearances, it's about love. Sometimes, that's all that matters.

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"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end". - Author Unknown

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AN: Well, bye I guess. Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think, I tried to do a good ending. I hope it did the story justice.


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